A
female
age
26-29,
*ransforming destiny
writes:Has anyone else ever felt completely alone? I feel like my friends are drifting away from me. I also feel like I will never find someone who will actually treat me the way I deserve. I guess my question is have you ever felt alone? And what did you do to change it? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): I've felt that way many times sadly. Sometimes it's actual lonliness and sometimes it's just a void from within. We feel incomplete and it isn't always fixed by having a partner or friends (good ones in both cases). It's something I believe most people struggle with in life. Blame it on chemicals in the body, life circumstances or just being unsatisfied with the way life is going at the moment.
I'm not sure what the exact cause or permanent fix is; but music helps. Being active with friends and family helps too. If that's hard to do with you busy schedule just try to make and keep plans once a week with someone. Do positive lighthearted or creative and educational things. Don't get disheartened if it takes time. It will. The friends drifting happens all the time. That's life sadly. We don't really need a lot of friends though just a few quality ones. And both parties have to keep up the effort to remain in contact as friends so if they drift and you're putting the effort it will probably drift regardless without them doing the same.
For myself I barely have 2 days off in the week and i pack them with plans from 11am to 1am (not a morning person lol). And I keep doing positive things like volleyball league, and a reading stuff that teaches me new skills. Also a lot of music. For my own case my lonliness and depression was brought on by a failed romance with an abusive toxic woman. I didn't see it or wouldn't let go for a long time so recovery has been slow. But we all go through horrible things. The main thing is you dust yourself off and remember even if you have the shittiest track record in friends, romance, or life; that won't be all the time. Just drag yourself out and realize when your ready if you want to you'll be able to find someone again. And just be careful (a lot of broken people out there hide as wholesome but can't keep the facade). It sucks but sometimes we have to rebuild ourselves completely after these bad experiences. After we recharge our batteries just figure out what we enjoyed about these people and what they did that hurt or trick us. And we narrow down what we will look for again and hopefully what are the flags we missed. I allowed too many myself, and will be rebuilding for a while. I hope your last experience wasn't too brutal. Just give yourself time and positive reinforcement wherever you can. That feeling will fade.
A
female
reader, transforming destiny +, writes (17 August 2017):
transforming destiny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCode Warrior,
Thanks for the time you took to respond to my question, but please don't assume things that you do not know. I am in college, studying to be a teacher. When I said "the way I deserve", I meant will I ever find a man who won't cheat on me, because my most recent ex did and it has affected my self esteem. But thanks again for explaining that things aren't handed to me. I'll remember that next time I'm pulling an all-nighter to ace another exam.
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (16 August 2017):
Yes, I've been through that.
You are very young, and you have a long way to go.
It's normal at your age to have friends who drift apart, specially when they all go to different colleges.
Just wait and you'll find someone. In the mean time, learn to love yourself and learn how to be alone. Invest time in yourself, do a sport, join a club, improve yourself, you will feel much better and make new friendships. Just keep doing that until you find someone, which you will surely do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2017): By the way, you are at an age you should be in college. Of course your friends are drifting away. They're growing-up, getting a higher-education, and following their dreams.
You'll only get left behind if you're not setting goals and moving forward. Even if it is only a trade-school; learn a skill, earn a certificate or diploma; and you can put those skills to work. You'll fill a lot of idle-time you'd otherwise think is loneliness. It's just a waiting-period until you make the next move. Don't opt-out of higher learning; or you'll always feel you missed-out on something, or got left behind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2017): Yes, I have. Telling you about it won't necessarily make you feel better.
Being alone is a quiet-phase in your/our daily-living. We need that in order to focus on our independence. To realize our individuality, and to break dependencies that serve no benefit. It is to enhance our self-awareness; and to make us appreciate those who love us, when we've been taking them for granted. When we suddenly realize the emptiness we feel when we have been busy pushing them away; or putting up walls. Sometimes it's not them, it's you.
Being alone is when the noises around us subsides; so we can take time to introspect and recognize our own faults and weaknesses.
Keeping people constantly around us appeals to our vanities and makes us feel popular; but it's not until we are alone that we see our own deficiencies. Rather than feeling sorry for yourself, you should be pleased to have some peace and quiet. You have a break and some downtime to do some self-improvement. To pickup a hobby. To run and play, and to make some new friends. If the others have moved on, they've made some space. Fill it.
This is also a good time to connect with your elderly relatives who are also lonely and often forgotten and neglected by family; because they're old. They give you family-history, give you pride in your heritage; and they can answer questions like you've posed to us. They could use the company, and they're not as boring or creepy as young people make them out to be. I'm of Native American heritage, and I've been taught all my life to honor my ancestors and older-people in my life. That's why I'm so wise.
There are charities and hospitals that need volunteers; but people seem to overlook helping others, while they wallow in self-pity. You find great fulfillment in helping others.
Sometimes you feel gloomy, because you're not socializing enough. Hormones also make you feel down, as well as up. Sometimes during menstrual-periods; you feel a little depressed, and a dark cloud sits overhead. It means you should get out and enjoy the outdoors. Get some sunlight and vitamin D. It improves the mood and cures mood-swings.
Share your feelings with your mother or father. You'd be surprised what wisdom and insight they have. They can even cheer you up. For some reason, young people see parents as adversaries or just assume they're out of touch. They are your built-in resource. Sometimes the distance between you and your parents is your fault, not theirs.
You can't feel lonely if you know how to use time wisely, and know that being alone is not isolation. When you've got nothing positive to do; you find good books and you read. You refresh, enlighten, and expand the mind.
Reading gives you knowledge and a new perspective. It takes you places you've never been; and it answers your unanswered questions. It awakens your sleeping curiosities and offers you ideas that will activate your interests, and make you forget your troubles.
Please share your feelings with your parents. We don't know you or what you're going through. I sense that something or someone recently hurt your feelings; or there was some unfortunate incident that has brought you down.
So is there anything other than loneliness that you'd like to share? Something you'd like to vent about? Then we can chime in and give you more helpful advice. Maybe even cheer you up!
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (16 August 2017):
 I may have said it before but being alone isn't the same as being lonely. If you are comfortable with who you are and how you fill your time you won't be lonely.
Do you have interests? Do you pursue them, or do you wait to be invited? When you are in conversation with friends do you bring anything new to the table eg. did you do anything new last week? Or is it the same old same old?
If you find life interesting and fill your time with things which are worthwhile then you will attract people to you, and not drive them away.
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