A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Married HR Rep attracted to Coworker.I have been married for almost a quarter of a century to a man who is my best friend, but with whom no intimacy now, or ever existed. We sleep in separate rooms on two different floors. Because our marriage is amicable and we have two children who are grown/almost grown, we have no plans to divorce.After a small mid-life crisis in my late thirties, I resigned myself to cuddling up to a good book or my pc each night -- when out of nowhere, a flirtation materialized with a hot, younger, gorgeous coworker, I've found casually sexually attractive for several years. I'm generally an introvert, and my position in HR is such that I've never felt comfortable developing coworker friendships outside my department. He is not married, but is in a committed relationship. We spend hours bantering/flirting via instant message or email daily - so much so that it's impacting my productivity. He stops by my desk daily, a feat well out of his way as he works in an area far from mine - just to say hello. He's ingratiated himself into my closed professional world to such an extent that I can't quit thinking about him and have been reduced to posting anonymously on this site. We have not even hinted at taking our "friendship" any further, but when he's within 10 feet of me, I want to sleep with him so badly, my entire being quakes. My question(s): Can adultery be justifiable - if divorce is NOT an option, a marriage is both non-intimate and non-sexual, and the "other" relationship is simply a friendship "with benefits?" Wouldn't that be different from an affair with an emotional attachment? Does it make a difference that in my position, I may one day have to terminate him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Suzziq  +, writes (8 May 2009):
All I can say is think with your head and not with your emotions. Here is a question you need to ask yourself. If this man, your husband, is your best friend...if you do something with this co-worker, you will have to live with this the rest of your life. It will always be in the back of your mind, you have a "skeleton in your closet" and sometimes even if they don't find out...your conscience will kill you. Believe me I've been there. Don't want to be there EVER again. If you find this guy a temptation, try to stay far away away away. Trust me, it's NOT worth it. It could ruin your family and you. I pray that you make the right choice..Sometimes our spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. If you are a praying person, ask God to help you. I pray you don't make the same mistake I did.
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