A
female
age
36-40,
*uTe WIFE
writes:Dear AllA really strange thing happened to me...I used to be bi sexual . .. well umm not exactly. i was just influenced by some lesbian gfs and i got it on with a girl.. Also at that time my parents were very strict and i wasnt allowed to date boys so i took my chances and ended the relationship fast...we didnt even have sex , just touching and making out.. i soon returned to dating boys but always had a fetesh for girls..Now im married to my 2 year bf...i still watch lesbian porn though... turns me on like hell!! i love my husband but today i saw my ex gf (btw im 23 now and i had this thing with her when i was 17)... she sat next to me and it triggered some feelings...it was very awkard..i looked stunned and didnt say much .. she left than without giving me a number or anything although she doesnt know im married but why did she come and sit next to me? im confused..i know im not lesbian but why does it turn me on so muuch ???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 Hi ,
i think you are confusing your bi-sexuality ( which is obvious by the way) with a compulsion to cheat on your partner.
Your bi-sexuality has nothing to do with your feelings for this other girl. We all have ex girlfriends/boyfriends who we may think "wow she/he looks great" but we don't act on it because we are in a committed relationship.
So I guess the question is, why do you think this bi-sexuality is something that is going to lead you astray? would you be doing the same if you saw a man who you thought was attractive?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): If you truly feel that you are not a lesbian or bi for that matter, then I would say you have conditioned your brain to be aroused by the thought of being with another woman.
You could try not watching lesbian porn for six months and see if the feelings subside a bit, I believe they would. It would take several years for this conditioning to completely disapear but by abstaining for a short time you would be able to gage if it is indeed an influence. There is plenty of other porn to watch out there, but if you start developing other desires that are disturbing, you may want to reconsider having porn in your life at all.
If you are still drawn to women after a couple of years of abstinence from the visual neurological reinforcements, then I would say you are definately bi.
Best of luck to you, please do tell us how it all turns out.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 It turns you on because it's sexual attraction and you happen to have sexual feelings for both sexes. There's no great mystery about it.
Many (most?) people, bisexual or not, feel a sexual attraction for other people even when they've made their choice and are married. But that's the point: you've made your choice. You've picked your partner, and unless you have both made an almighty mistake (which does happen - and which is why some divorces are unavoidable), then you ignore the attraction for anyone else (other than the little fantasies that most of us have in our heads and that we keep to ourselves).
Being bisexual, if that's what you are, makes absolutely no difference. The whole point of marriage is that it's exclusive, and unless - as I said - you have made an awful mistake and married the wrong person, then everything else you ignore or you overcome the desire.
Don't try to make it more complicated than it is. There's absolutely no need to feel confused or worried about it. Accept it, and move on with your married relationship.
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