A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in a difficult position I got married about a month ago and now I don't know what to do. Two days ago I told my husband that I was still uncomfortable around him and that we should talk we had a two conversations on the phone that day about our relationship, he said that the problem is that he's afraid to say anything to offend me because I told him pervious to this that I was uncomfortable around him. It is because of this all he does is talk about work and the problems that happen at work. Today he came to my family's haouse to talk further about the issue. It took some convicing he wanted to have the conversation in his car on the way to lunch or dinner and to continue when we got to the resturant. I told him that the subject was better off talked about in privacy. When he came to my home we talked we disagreed and I told him that one of the reasons I'm uncomfortable around him is that our personalities don't match up. That we have different oppions and the like.He then told me that wasn't a problem that people change that I shouldn't hold that against him.My feeling is that I don't like, yes he's a perfectly respectable man with a good job and a kind family, but I don't like him. He then went on to say that, "I don't mean to blame anyone but this is all your family's fault if they had aloud me to speak with you before our marriage then this wouldn't be a problem."I then told him that, "if that bothered him so much he should have said no thank you we're not meant to be." He then said he'd give me a few days to think things over and that he wanted to talk to my father after he left my father said that the man left in tears that he's so afarid to say anything or do anything because he's afraid he'll upset me, he says all he can do is talk about work because I don't talk to him about anything.This I know to be untrue on the rare occassion we went out I asked him how he had enjoyed Jordan and the sights I then went on to tell him of my family's trip tp Thailand and all the things we did there from scuba diving to elephant riding, he knows I like to read, write, draw, listen to music, surf the web, watch movies, many tv shows and workout. Am I to believe that a grown man of 32 can't discuss any of these topics? Now I know I'm not completly perfect either I don't believe that I've been that easy on him, and I know I can be both tempremental and judgmental. so my question is what should I do, should I go with me gut that we're not a good fit and let my current feeling of guilt keep me in this relationship?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Have you tried to like him yet? If someone was clearly telling me with their body language that they didn't want to be in the same room with me, I wouldn't feel like talking either.
It sounds like you two don't know each other that well. I imagine your mad at the situation you are in (being married to a stranger) and your projecting your negative feelings about your situation onto your husband, the personification of your unpleasant situation.
For a month, why not try and pretend you really like him. Ask yourself questions like "Why is he so funny?" "Why do I find myself falling in love with him?" If after the month, you haven't warmed to him at all, it's a pretty safe conclusion yours will not be a particularly joyous marriage.
Give the guy a chance before you judge too quickly. But once you have given him a chance, feel free to draw whatever conclusions you may.
A
female
reader, Michelle2009  +, writes (27 March 2009):
To me it sounds like you really just dont like the man. I take it this is an arranged marriage?
In fairness to your husband, I think it's really important to be able to come home and talk about his work and the problems he experiences there.
After all, it is his work that provides for both of you and I think most people want to know they can come home and have a sympathetic ear ... most especially about problems at work.
Try to consider being supportive of your spouse, at least where his work is concerned. I think you'll see that once discussion about one topic begins, it can open doors to other topics and conversation will then naturally flow.
Good luck and I hope you resolve the problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): no acept him
and have loads of babies
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