A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI've been married for 12 years to man I truelly love, but feel so uncared for. I have expressed my need for some attention, but things never change. He was never very good at verbally expressing his affection for me, but it showed in physical affection. The past 5 years has been worse. He started his own business 5 years ago and he is consumed with work. He barely sleeps, skips meals, never complains about the work load, works weekends, nights. He reserves a little bit of time for the kids, after some talks with him about that. If I ask for some effort, some care, he gets defensive, says I'm never happy, I should be happy with what we do have, I should change my perspective, I blame him for his work load and critize him in how he runs his business. The talks never end in the way that I hope for, which is some sign of care. I've been thinking of leaving him, but I really love him. It feels so one sided and lonely. We have a tremendous amount of debt and there is no realistic way for him to change his work load at this point in his career. What do I do?To those older folks, married a long time or remarried: Is there ever a marriage without issues? Should I try to change my perspective and try to be happy with what I have? If I leave him and find someone else, will it just be a different set of issues to work out? It's been 5 years like this, and 5 year prior with a whole other set of issues that we resolved. It's never been smooth sailing for us. Please help!
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male
reader, jimrich +, writes (20 September 2010):
re: He reserves a little bit of time for the kids
.....FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS who need and deserve the best parental role models you can give them, do whatever it takes to make sure your kids are not damaged by inadequate, faulty parenting!
re: To those older folks, married a long time or remarried: Is there ever a marriage without issues?
.... Yes but when you know or are willing to learn how to make a relationship good, the issues are less and less PLUS your kids are not as damaged by inadequate parenting.
Should I try to change my perspective and try to be happy with what I have?
... You should get busy and LEARN HOW to make things right for your kids. google: relationship tips and help your kids grow up in a happy home.
If I leave him and find someone else, will it just be a different set of issues to work out?
... Yes! And only when you learn how to make it work will you ever be able to give your kids an adequate home life.
It's been 5 years like this, and 5 year prior with a whole other set of issues that we resolved. It's never been smooth sailing for us.
....and even worse sailing for your dependent (damaged) kids. Kids need and deserve good parental role models....HELP THEM!
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