A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay I've been married for 3 years but been with my husband for 7 years now. We get along just fine, he is caring and respectful treats me great. The only problem we have is that I have to initiate any form of physical intimacy, he seems withdrawn in that department. In the beginning i thought it was cute and he was just a bit shy but over the years I am starting to get the feeling as if I have to force him to be intimate with me.I feel insecure because of this.I do not think he has anyone else, but i wonder if he just loves me as a friend but not as a mate. At times i feel like roommates more than husband and wife.Now I have stopped initiating as often and as a result our intimate moments are very very rare..which leaves me frustrated and hurt.Will I have to live the rest of my life like this? Does he really love me as a wife?Or did we make a mistake getting married...
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female
reader, cnith +, writes (26 May 2010):
 I'll tell you what I told the other woman who asked this same question, more or less. Except she had three kids one of whom was like 4 months old.I don't know if you have kids or you have the jobs from hell or what's going on but my advice is the same.Talk to your husband.We can't read his mind any better than you can. Maybe he's tired. Maybe he's stressed. Maybe he has a health issue and can't perform as well. Maybe ???You have to find out. Talk to him calmly and when you're both in a good place. Not when you're fighting or about to make love or after making love. You need to be relaxed or at least calm when you have the conversation. Don't pick a time when he's had a long day at work. He needs to be in the same space as you. Calm and/or relaxed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): I have the same problem!!! I have talked to my boyfriend about it and he feels that the spark is sort of gone. He is very honest with me (Sometimes brutally) but it helps get to the point of the problem even though it can be hurtful. The reasons he says he has stopped being as affectionate and intimate is the following:1) We have been having problems for a while which leads us to argue and for him to be pushed away resulting in him not acting affectionate as much2) This one really hurt: He is very much into athletics and excersize and so was i at one point but have stopped. He said that that was one of the biggest things that attracted him. I flew off the handle at this becasuse i thought he was saying i was fat where he would claim "not at all but stuff could be better" I was still hurt by this but i appreciated his honesty. What i have come to realixe though is that it is not my weight but the fact that i take care of my body is what he notices. 3) He has a lot of other stress in his life unrelated to our relationship which is most likely occupying his mind a lot throughout the day causing him to be more withdrawn from me.Im not sure if any of these senarios could be the same for you but they could be possibilities....I know how your feeling though and its really hard. You just want to feel wanted by them and you want them to make feel sexy! I hope everything works out for you though!
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