A
female
age
30-35,
*dkloveeeh
writes:so im 22 years old and married for almost 5 years and with 2 kids(girls).Back when i was in the 8th grade i had a crush on this guy who was my best friend Everyone though that we were going out, but that never happened. The last time i saw him was in 10th grade and havent seen him since I marriedSince the last time i saw my bff i have been having dreams where in the dream i tell him i love him and we kiss But i don'h know how he feels .About a month ago a started having similar dreams with a different guy who is my brother's best friend and who is 19. In the dreams we are in love but in secret. all these dreams make me feeel all those butterflies which i have not felt with my husband for a couple of years. At this point my relationship with my husband is getting worse, day by day. and i not sure if i love him anymore .My husband has changed a lot since we got married. so i dont know what to do.Should i look for that friend or should i let my brothers friend how i feel?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): "But i don'h know how he feels"Either he has completely forgotten you exist or he remains completely unaware that as an eighth-grader you had a secret crush on him or a combination of the two. In any event he's unlikely to leap at the chance to "date" a married mother of two even if she should make herself "available." "About a month ago a started having similar dreams with a different guy who is my brother's best friend and who is 19."In the dreams we are in love but in secret."Given lack of compelling evidence indicating hubby's best friend is experience concurrent similar dreams, I'd have to say at the point BFF remains your dream secret lover only in your imagination. "My husband has changed a lot since we got married. so i dont know what to do."Of course he has changed, you were kids when you got married. You've changed, too. Not necessarily matured, but changed. You can stay with hubby and preserve your family, or file for divorce in order to be free to chase after imaginary secret lovers who will likely assume you're an obsessed psycho stalker from whom they will likely seek legal protection."Should i look for that friend or should i let my brothers friend how i feel?"Neither. See above. That you apparently consider those as the only alternatives to staying with your husband leads me to suggest you should seek counselling.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 October 2012):
 A friend of mine once told me this: "You shouldn't jump from ship to ship. You have to JUMP IN THE WATER, and swim to the second ship, then go aboard."
You ARE MARRIED.... so what you are considering should be off-limits to you... LOOK at you and your marriage and SEE IF IT IS FAILING!!! If "yes," then decide if you want to let it fail..... and FOLLOWING ITS FAILURE you will be free to pursue whichever of your fantasy love-interests you wish (including BOTH OF THEM!!!!)....
But now - for the sake of fairness to your hubby, and - more importantly - fairness to YOUR CHILDREN - put those old fantasies on the back burner until/unless you are free to consider them....
Good luck.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): I would seek a marriage counselor, not the arms and affections of another man. You can run away from the problems in your marriage, but they won't get solved by doing so.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): Hmmm, I'd say NO. Your thinking about this other guy in your past because you want to escape your present situation with your husband.It's not love but just a beautiful fantasy that could help you escape what you and your husband are going through.Marriage life can be rough at times,actually most of the time.But since you married this man and you have kids, I suggest for you to be brave and tough for your marriage to work.You might not be happy, situation gets worst and worst everyday, but have you tried to talk it out with your husband? I mean if you really wanted to be happy, why don't you put your extra effort on what you have right now rather than thinking about the other guy whom your not even sure if he feels the same way for you.Besides, its just a beautiful idea on your mind but its not real, you had those feelings for him a long time ago. Things changed now. You don't even know if that person is also married now or what..Your husband might have flaws and all. Maybe his your idea of a nightmare, but try to be nice, try to make things work, try to be giving without expecting in return, unless he is womanizing I'd say Give your marriage a chance.What you need? I don't know you but at this moment I am praying for you and your family, come what may I hope you choose what is best for you.God Bless and Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 Why on earth do you think somebody you knew in 8th grade is going to be interested in you while you are married to somebody else, same goes for the 19 year old, where is your brain woman?
So your marriage isn't so good, what about trying to fix it before you go mucking around with your kid's lives. Try talking to your husband, maybe he isn't happy either and with both of you not talking to each other its just going to get worse, and worse and worse. Communicate. Ask him what he thinks you both should be doing to make the marriage happier. Tell him what you think you both could be doing to make it a better marriage.
Get some counselling if you can, if not, approach your local church and see if they can help you.
And if your marriage can't be fixed why do you need another man anyway? What's wrong with doing it for yourself, supporting yourself and your children? Think about what you are teaching them, or better still, think about what sort of women you want the to grow up to be and then YOU become that woman, your daughters are learning by example, so get your act together and make sure you teach them now, for the sake of their futures.
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