A
female
age
36-40,
*elomat
writes:I've been with my husband for 5 years now. We've been living together for 2 years. Daily i cook, clean, take care of our daughter, study, and run a number of mini businesses. I barely have time to myself because i'm so busy with a lot of things. Begining of the year he started going to school so we spend less time together. I expect him to let me know how his day is progressing just like i do if i'm the one away from home. When i ask him why he says i'm expecting him to report to me and he feels violated. His classes end at 5 it's a 30minute drive home but he gets home much later than that. If he's stopped at a friend i have no problem but i just want to know because i get worried people have accidents get jacked i think of all that when he's late. Another thing that bothers me is his low sex drive. If i don't pressure him we could have sex once in 3 weeks. I get very frustrated because i work hard for us and i feel the least he could do is his part sexually. I feel very unappreciated by him. There's no romance in our marriage anymore i've tried talking to him and he says he's got so much pressure with school and all. I'm under more pressure than he is given all the things i'm responsible for but i don't neglect him or our daughter. Is it my fault that he doesn't find me attractive any longer? Should i see someone else so i don't care much for him? Please help me because i'm very depressed i've invested so much into this and it's hurting me see it fall apart
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): If you are coping with so much that you barely have time for yourself, then trying to cheat as well might not be a good idea. You already have enough to cope with. If the marriage is making you unhappy because of the way your partner is behaving, then you need to speak to him and explain that. Tell him what you need from him and listen to what he needs from you. If neither of you are willing to meet half way, then ending the marriage will be the only sensible option. Cheating wont help anything because you will still be unhappy with your husband. Heaping more stresses on yourself by having an affair will only make things worse.
A
male
reader, badbadboy  +, writes (27 January 2011):
This is quiet natural in any relation give it time. Spend time together. Take a time out once in a week from your stressful lives and try rekindling your love. saving your relation would need one evening a week, that is all ur relation wants.
And yes men dont have a sex drive when under stress. It causes erection problems or even more if you try to pressure him for sex it on the long run may end up in pre mature ejaculation disorder.
Dont start seeing someone else its a very lame idea even if u get divorced and re marry u surely hit this break point even in that marriage. So give it one evening thats all its asking for. Talk to your husband about this, tell him how u feel and explain him the need to spend time with u.
All the best
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 i am sorry to hear that you are responsible for so much. But first I must question your remark about not being attractive any more. How could you not be very attractive still? You are aged around 22-25. That means that of course you are still very attractive.
It does sound as if you both work so work hard at multiple things.
Being physically exhausted can reduce a man's sex drive.
It also sounds like neither of you have time to schedule quiet relaxing time for just the two of you together. Doing that is essential to encourage you both to grow the relationship to a more satisfying level.
I think it would be more productive to build in opportunities for more quiet relaxing gentle time together.
Regaining the intimacy in your marriage will be far more satisfying, in the long run, than pursuing affairs and other partners. I hope it all works out well for you.
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