A
female
age
36-40,
*ruthplease
writes:I was just broken up with over a text message from this guy who I was dating for close to 3 months and we had spent 24/7 together. Over the course of these three months we had gotten really close and he said he had never had a gf that was as caring and sweet before in his life, we got along so well and both told eachother how comfortable and good we felt around eachother. He was going to finish his masters for 9 months in a town 6 hours away and so he moved away 3 weeks ago. We had been talking on the phone and he would always say "my love" and that he missed me and we had planned that when we were both done with school in 9 months we would make plans to move close to eachother, he had met my family and loved them. After all of these promises he sent me this text a few days ago:"Sorry but we can't continue. I didn't know how to tell you on the phone, but we really can't. Please feel free to date other people as I will be doing the same thing too"I responded with this:"You are doing this over a text message after everything? :( That hurts, thanks a lot."He never responded back. And it has been 5 days. How could someone act like this and be so cold after all the time we had spent together and all the memories we had shared and promises we had made? Not even enough respect to pick up the phone and call after everything? I am so heart broken but I knew the best way to go was No Contact, it is still killing me though...any advice on how I can deal with this, I feel major anxiety and cannot focus on life or school every minute of every day are filled with going over and over memories of him and wondering what happened and why? Why would he be so cruel to say he will also be dating other people, isn't that a given? Why did he have to say it. Please please help me get through this :'(
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female
reader, Truthplease +, writes (23 September 2014):
Truthplease is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your feedback. Still having a tough time but I have deleted him off all social media and erased phone number and messages. Trying to move on without any type of closure and from a text break up is tough but I guess I have to do it. Better 3 months than 3 years. Anonymous-He did tell me he loved me I just left it out of the story because we spent 24/7 together so I did not want to make everyone on here read a book about our relationship. But that's the horrible part that he did say he loved me and he did keep on telling me to move down to his town with him. He was the first one to say "I love you" and before he said it he said "I am falling in love with you how am I ever going to go back to my town" and he would proceed to say things like after 9 months when I get a job will you move to any town I get a job in with me?" and I would say yes if our relationship has progressed and is serious I will. He asked me these types of questions on a daily basis. So there is more background to show that he did portray the relationship to be serious. He met my entire family and even spoke about starting a business with my uncle once he moved back here to my town when he was done with school. Who knows, I am just scared that someone could be two completely different people I have no idea who the person who text me was and how he had changed so much...
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 September 2014):
 He dumped you... so... now,... stay dumped and forget about this creep... WHAT do you "owe" him??????
Get on with your life, .... .and look for a decent guy to be your partner...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014): This is a learning experience for you. I want to help you make sense of this. As an objective person reading your story, while I was reading your first paragraph, I noticed there were alot of things you did not mention about this relationship. Important things. Things that would give the impression that it was in fact serious. For instance, you never mention whether he said he loved you. So I assume it was not discussed. If he is not telling you he loves you, most likely it is because he doesn't. This is a fact. He said he had never had a gf who was as caring and as sweet as you. But did he say he had never cared for a girl as much as he cared for you? Big difference. He is complimenting you and that was a very nice compliment. But with that, he is not saying how he feels about you. He is just telling you how he feels you feel about him. So what? Still no word on how he feels. He said he felt comfortable and good around you. Ok...I feel comfortable and good around alot of people that I am not in love with. And even though he did give you some indication that it could be serious such as your plans to move close to each other upon graduating 9 months down the road, did he state how you would both fare within those 9 months? How often you would see each other? What was the plan? Was he planning to clear all his weekends to come visit you and vice versa? Or was this not discussed just as alot of things were not discussed? Cause if he didn't discuss how he would see you as often as possible while he was away, clearly it wasn't on his mind or part of his plan. You missed alot of clear signs that this guy was not as committed as you thought. You got so swept up with the little things that he said or did...details that in the grand scheme of things aren't as significant as you thought. He calls you "my love." My boyfriend calls girls "sweetheart." These are terms of endearment guys often use on all women. But he wasn't telling you he actually loved you. He wasn't figuring out how to see you as often as possible while he was away. He wasn't clearing all his weekends and asking you to clear your's to make plans to see you as often as time permits. These are huge clues. A man in love has a hard time going just 1 week without a girl he is in love with let alone 9 months. The effort was just not there. In fact, maybe he was hoping you would figure it out. Maybe he was hoping in 9 months you would be over it so he wouldn't have to be the bearer of bad news. I don't think he is a bad guy. He could've strung you along and been dishonest with you but he wasn't. But he cared enough to tell you the truth even at the risk that you would hate him. I am sure he feels bad about it and that is why he has not responded. Use this as a learning experience so that next time you do not get swept up with a guy who does just enough to woo you, but not enough to commit to you. Learn the difference. Read between the lines. To me it is clear that it wasn't serious. I want you to see what I see so you can understand what happened here and not repeat the same mistake next time. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 September 2014):
 I'm with Euphoric29 - your now-ex is a coward. And quite frankly I'm GLAD you told him how LOW it was of him to "dump" over over text.
My guess is he is having the "out of sight- out of mind" experience. Because you aren't there he isn't thinking of you. Which I'm sorry to say can't mean he took the 3 months very serious. What I mean is, while it lasted he enjoyed it, FULL WELL KNOWING he would be moving away he STILL started dating you. My guess is, he didn't expect to really like you as much as he did, but once he was gone, he decided that he can ALWAYS find a new girl in the new place WHILE he is there. It wouldn't surprise me if he did find one for 7-8 months and then dump HER when moving on.
I'm sorry you are hurting. I would be disappointed in being treated this way too. One thing though, it will HELP you move on.
All the good things he told you he liked about you, TAKE them to heart. Because that will be HIS loss 100%. He didn't END it because YOU weren't GOOD enough, or SWEET enough or anything else enough - he dumped you because he can't handle a LDR, and he wasn't even willing to try.
My advice? BLOCK his number, delete him off ALL social websites, e-mail whatever, so he can't reach out if he gets drunk or bored, to play with YOUR emotions. I agree with Euphoric29 that I wouldn't be surprised if he decided after a few months of NOT finding another YOU out there to contact you. And I also agree that I would NOT play along. Which is why I suggested the block/delete/un-friend.
Sometimes we don't see a person's TRUE character til a good 4-6 months into a relationship, maybe because of the move, you saw it a little earlier.
Chin up honey, BE glad you didn't waste 9 more months to be dumped by him for some or other reason. The dude's a wuss and a flake. 9 months a part is NOTHING if you REALLY want to be with the other person.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (22 September 2014):
Dear OP,
I am so sorry and shocked. I have no explanation why someone would do a thing like this. It's atrocious. I mean, as long as you were together he seemed to be a really loving guy. And even after he left he kept telling you that he misses you. No, truly I don't understand it.
My guess is that he really was in love with you, but not able to remember about his feelings when he was far away from you. That he was not mature enough to know a real keeper when he saw one. That he was too impatient to wait for something good- you- to return to his arms. That he was a coward not to face the challenges of love, not even the challenge of a proper breakup. That he was too selfish to consider his words, and just wanted to be done with it.
My guess is that he will regret this and, after some weeks/months, have a whiny comeback, saying that he is missing you etc. Just don't give him a chance if that happens.
My only "advice" how to get through this.. because it will probably still hurt.. is not to spend too much time alone, so you don't have much time to think and remember and ask yourself questions. Go out, do sports (the challenging the better), meet your friends.. I know it won't cure the pain, but it will distract you from it and that's already a good thing. Have other people confirm to you that he's a terribly stupid f**k and that you deserve better.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 September 2014):
 Good grief What a moron..breakups are hard enough as they are without having to get a damned text to seal the deal, no class whatsoever. I remember back when I got the phone call from my gf to tell me her dad had "suggested" we no longer see one another. Tore my heart out but then she blamed it on her dad, another class act.
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