A
female
age
41-50,
*ad and Confused
writes:I don't know what to do! My husband and I have almost been married for a year and we have a 5 month old baby. He had been going out a lot for "business" and would never answer my phone calls or even call me regardless of the fact he was out WAY after the time he promised. When he would get home I would question him because I was so upset and his reply would be verbally abusing me by telling me how I am worthless (of course he was drunk) and would change the subject. He never told me what he was up to....He made me feel like I had done something wrong.....AND I BELIEVED HIM!!! he is a master of manipulationThis probably happened about 5 times after our son was born (which was September) Well one night he was doing the same thing, and I decided I couldn't do this anymore....when he came home I told him not to speak to me, which was strange to him, bc I usually fly off the handle....The next day I continued ignoring him, until I finally decided what I was going to do....I told him to come clean with everything or Me and my son are leaving you....the next day he sent me an email with everything he had done ( i wanted it as an email b/c I knew after hearing the first confession I would never get to them all b/c I would be so upset, and also I wanted to have it just in case i needed it later on ) so this email told me about all of his lies, like going to strip clubs and telling our friends to lie to me....things like that.....Odd as it may sound, I wasn't that upset about all of this (bc in my heart I already knew) it was the lying and verbal abuse that tore my apart....I mean having proof that all of those times he made me feel like nothing had finally seen a little justiceWell this email was about 2 weeks ago, and he promised he had told me everything and would never lie again and he will show me and prove that trueI love him very much, and I have already been divorced from a first husband b/c he was cheating on me....Well the other day i was looking at our bank statement and there was a strange address with a cash withdrawl, so I googled the address..... IT WAS A WHORE HOUSE!!!! I don't know what to do!!! I even drove to the place to make sure it wasn't connected to some bar or something (b/c I confronted him and he swore up and down it was a bar) NOPE no bar, straight up nasty whore house (his excuse is that the bar around there picked up there address signal for the credit card machine) HOW DUMB DOES HE THINK I AM?!?!?!? what am i supposed to do, please someone give me some adviceI love him and I don't want our family to break up, but I am so lost and so blindedHere is the address of the place, if you know anything about it1421 St. Emanuel Ct. Houston, TX 77003It's called Dong Kyong Modeling Studio
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Dump him! You are better off! Mine just did the same thing only in Elko, NV at a lovely place called Inezs D&d(dancing and didling). Put it on his charge card to the tune of 315 dollars, now expects me to believe he did not do it! I have the reciept from the bank with his signature, and drivers license # on it as well as birthday!! Date and time..... lots of lies!! And he is still lying! He even filed a fraud report to the police department down there! They are waiting on video but now have enough to charge him on filing a false report!! And he still expects me to believe him!!!!Acts like ther is nothing wrong. I go from crying to being so mad I can not function! Trust me--when the video comes in, his shit will be all over the yard and locks changed! We have 4 children between us--they are all a bit older--but he did this to all of us!! Why? Does anyone have an answer??
A
female
reader, Sad and Confused +, writes (26 February 2009):
Sad and Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice, I'm crying just reading it all...I'm on the edge of my seat about leaving him, and that is the last thing in the world I would ever want, but this is no life. I've already arranged to get checked by the Dr. so thank you for looking out
I need to clear my head for a bit, but again thank you so much for all of your words, it's hard to talk to anyone about this... so you are my only comfort
Thank you
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 The only real question to all of this is how much are you willing to go through? If you believe marriage counseling and sex addiction thereapy can help, then by all means try. But you owe it to your child to protect him from physically and emotionally abusive behavior. Even without the whorehouse, I would be kicking him out for coming home drunk and beligerent around a child.
It's really up to you, but he has to want to change. If he keeps relapsing, or flat out won't go to therapy and counseling, then you need to grab your child and get the hell out of doge.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 If you searched on this site using keywords like "abuse", "verbal abuse", "psychological abuse", "cheating" and so forth, you will find similar answers and good advice from various agony aunts. You will find that you are not alone in this situation, and that there are support everywhere for women like you (legal, counselling, friends, etc). But you need to look for them now, so you can deal with the issue with those who understand it more (or more experienced) than you do right now.
I am sure you have also heard that we, as human beings, deserve to be loved and respected, not abused and disrespected.
Please stay strong and safe!
Cat.
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As for the address of the whorehouse you put in your posting, I did a google search and came up with this:
http://www.bigsoccer.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-535325.html
[excerpt]:
11 May 2007, 11:06 AM
The city has ordered more than 100 adult cabarets, bookstores and other so-called sexually oriented businesses to close down their operations or face criminal and civil penalties, according to warning letters obtained by the Houston Chronicle.
City Attorney Arturo Michel's office mailed the certified letters on Thursday, stating that the businesses were violating an ordinance prohibiting them from operating within 1,500 feet of schools, parks, churches and other "sensitive" locations in the city.
The cease-and-desist letters mean that employees and owners of the businesses face arrest "soon" if they fail to heed the city's notice, said Capt. Steve Jett, who commands the Houston Police Department's vice unit.
The list:
NAME ADDRESS CITYZIP
(two thirds down the list is the same address: Dong Kyong Modeling Studio 1421 St. Emanuel Houston, TX 77002)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 February 2009):
I know you love him but I am sure you realise after your first divorce that you have to be strong and not walked all over by a man.
You say you love him. What is there left to love about him? He has cheated on you, lied to you, emotionally abused you, RISKED YOUR LIFE by having sex with women who through the nature of their profession are at HIGH RISK of carrying diseases that he could pass on to you.
I really think there are some things that you can get over with marriage counselling and time, and there are some things that mean his clothes end up on the lawn in bin bags and the locks get changed.
I really don't see a way forward past this you even gave him a chance to come clean and stop and then HE DID IT AGAIN!!
Next time he's out, change the locks and tell him that since his friends are good enough to help ruin his marriage, then they can have him sleeping on their couch for a few weeks till he gets his own place.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but you have to be strong and do the best for your son, and I think the best thing for your son is not to be brought up in a house with this kind of stuff going on.
Good Luck!! xx
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