A
female
 ,
*uliette
writes:I have been spending time with a man who became a widower 18 months ago. I didn't want to be involved in a rebound situation and he admitted he felt vulnerable so we literally are just friends. The problem is, now I have been spending time with him about one day a week, I am confused by his actions.A month ago he did try to kiss me on the mouth, well a brief snog, and he does mention us spending more time together, maybe a short break, yet he never phones me for a chat...ever, not does he text more than a token single text in between.I find previous relationships have had more communication on a daily basis that enables me to form more of an emotional connection first, but with this man, as much as I like him, to spend a week-end away or for it to develop sexually just leaves this 'blank' in between.It's a shame because I might have to end it because I feel exclusive to him, yet I feel so detached in between.He is a quiet and even inexperienced man for his age, only having had two relationships in his life, but I just don't understand how someone can feel the bond he says he feels with me when he never bothers with me from Monday to Saturday except for a single text. When I reply I get no answer and I know he has lots of contact time he never uses so cost isn't an issue.I have dropped hints occasionally, that I would like a bit more contact but he doesn't respond. Today I couldn't see hm because I have a viral chest infection... and still not a word from him.Any men out there can give me a clue to this behaviour?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 October 2012):
 I hate to say it but maybe he just isnt that into you. I'd give this guy a miss for a while,instead of hanging around waiting for him to initiate something get out there and start living life with other friends and family members. Don't remove yourself completely but stop relying on his as your only source of social interaction over the weekends.
Maybe he would prefer to be on his own for a while, maybe he is of an age where communicating by text is not his norm, maybe, heaven forbid, he is still grieving for his wife.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2012):
 It sounds like he is holding back, maybe he feels bad about moving on with his life, grief can do strange things to people. I think in from here there is no point giving him hints, the best thing to do is be blunt and honest with him, at least then you know where you stand.
Just be honest with him, tell him how you feel, tell him how his behaviour confuses you and tell him you need to know how he feels about you so that you are clear. Explain to him what you need and hopefully he will start making the effort. Good luck.
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