A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This isnt really about relationships but i value everyones advice on this site and iv always came here in the past with troubles. so im hoping you guy can help me now.A good few months ago a man who i new from a rival store to the one that i worked in came into my store as i was working and started ask inapropriate questions. before i worked at my store i used to go to their's to browse. they would try to talk to me but would always start talking dirty and things. i know they didnt mean anything by it really, was just playful banter they called it. but they came into the shop that day asking if i'd had sex with my boyfriend yet. saying they thing hes gay and things and saying other sort of foul things like that. i cant quite remember everything now. i remember i thought they were leaving as i ignored them and one of them came up and grabbed my breasts and commented they're bigger than they look and laughed and went away. i hit him with one of the game boxes i was holding and was called for my break.i texted my boyfriend and he shouted at me that i hadnt said anything to the guy about it or shouted at him or anything. im a quiet person, my defence is to just hide really. i dont confront ppl and this was why he was shouting at me. Our stores have always had a fight between them. the other store would do a lot of bad things to the staff at ours. bt far as i knew it was stores in a differnt location. i didnt think those guys would do anything. I told my assist manager thinking he would just ban them from the shop and have the right to do so. but he was furious and told my manager who convinced me to phone the police. they came round and took a statement and went around the busisness. confiscated things for evidence etc. im now getting a letter about him going to court to be judged. i feel really bad about the whole thing. it makes me sick. i dont know if im doing the right thing. everyone says i am. ive met him down town with his kid and he is stil a foul person but he does it jokingly. i feel he was just a very very very stupid man. u know? i feel he wouldve learnt his lesson and not done it again as soon as the police came to his door. i took a day off work after to get over it but ive been ok from now on. id put it behind me until now. i dont really want this man to lose his job or kids or whatever over me. or even a fine. what if hes in a bad financial situation? he works full time at that store, its not the best place really... hes not affected my life that badly for me to want such a drastic thing to happen to him.am i being stupid? have i done the right thing? do you think they would do any of the above to him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): You were right, it's starts of with small things like that then developed. Like you said, it was dirty talk now it actually went on to touching you. He needs to be taught a lesson
A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 Why the hell did you not punch him in the face when he groped you?! That's infuriating!
You did nothing wrong, that man made his choice and now he has to face up to the consequences that he can't get away with disrespecting you (or any other woman) in that manner.
Like everyone else has said, it's out of your hands. And he deserves what ever happens to him.
You did the right thing!
xo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): You have done the right thing sweetie and I will tell you why. Often people do things that they think are clever at the time some later regret it and have to face bad consequences some dont regret it and have the same fait - I dont know how that is fair but thats the way it is.
Some people do things spur of the moment and the reaction they get determines whether they take the risk again. Many people that eventually become rapists and murderers test the water first to assess the reactions they may be faced with.Im not saying that this guy would have taken his actions further but I am saying he MIGHT have.
If there had been no consequence to the inappropriate actions of the man that assulted you, then he would have got away with it and maybe even repeat his actions (with you because he thinks you are a push over) or with some other innocent victim. That man had no business asking you personal questions nor did he have any right to touch you, his circumstances/lifestyle or issues are frankly not your problem, your priorty is your safety and the safety of others around you.
You have done the right thing - you may have even taught him to keep his mouth shut and his hands to himself.
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A
female
reader, taina1980  +, writes (20 June 2008):
you are not stupid at all! listen I know how you feel ...I was molested as a child and my abuser was my mothers own brother... I lost my entire family over this situation... he spent 9 years in prison..i felt so much guilt practically all my life... his children lost their father my mother lost a brother my grandmother lost her son...but as I grew older I realized I had no control over this he made a choice...just like you... you did nothing to deserve what he did. did you ask him to do this? no he made a choice... he shouldve thought about all that was at stake before he did what he did. that is not for you to think about you did the right thing... you were brave & most importantly you saved other woman from being assaulted by this jerk...who knows who else he has possibly done this or perhaps something worst..i think your awesome...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): I think you have done the right thing.
THis man has obviously no respect for women or there bodies! WHo knows what else he could get upto; or who else could be his next victim;
He needs to be stopped, let the law now run it's course.
I am very proud of you, you are probably saving a lot of other women from also been harrassed by this man.
You have done nothing wrong, in fact you did the right thing!
WELL DONE!
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (20 June 2008):
 No one has a right to grab your breasts without your permission. Yes you did the right thing. You don't need to feel sorry for him.
The chances are that if you don't make a major fuss about it in court - assuming they call you as the "victim" and that would seem likely - then he will get "bound over to keep the peace" which means that his crime will be recorded and he will get into serious trouble if he does anything like that again. I think, from what you say, that's the outcome you would want. Just tell them as clearly as you can exactly what happened. Try not to make it complicated.
Although, you can never predict what magistrates will decide to do, and if it was up to me I'd lock up any man (or woman) who behaved like that and throw away the key.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 Why do you feel guilty??? He was sexually harassing you and hopefully will get what he deserves. Do you really think that you are the first woman he has harassed?? Sweetie, you did nothing wrong!
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife +, writes (20 June 2008):
 I think you done the right thing. You're right, he was a stupid man for doing such thing. If you let him get away with that maybe he would have came back and do something worse.
That's going to make him think twice before doing something like that again.
Well whatever he gets from the court is none of your problem, he shouldn't have done it in the first place.
Even though you may not see it as a big deal, doesn't mean thats its ok.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 June 2008):
 You're worrying yourself over something that is now out of your hands. This man chose to behave the way he did, now he has to face the consequences of those actions. Sometimes people need to learn the hard way, and frankly, he sounds like one of the slow learners. And a potential abuser, to boot. I expect he's done worse in his life and hasn't been taken to account for it.
Let things take their course, you did nothing wrong and should feel no guilt over it.
And tell your boyfriend to stop shouting at you, I'm sure he was frustrated that you didn't react more strongly to this assault, which by the way it was, but I understand about not wanting to create conflict or cause a scene.
It's out of your hands. You did nothing wrong. He deserves whatever he's got coming to him. Keep repeating these words, until you start to believe them.
Take care.
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