A
male
age
30-35,
*o-food-left
writes:I'm a 15 year old male and I'm having trouble coping with being intensely in love with someone from my year, the only problem is that it's a guy. It's been going on for a year and a half, he is all I ever think about anymore and I'm slowly going crazy. In the early days, I decided to slowly befriend him and over the summer we became great friends. Over the past year or so I've seen him practically every day and we spend most of our time together, in and out of school. However, my friendship with him has given me a completely new circle of friends and since Christmas things have gotten worse for me. I've taken trips in and out of hospital for depression, I've sometimes just spent days in bed ignoring school, and I've also taken up smoking. I've come to terms with my sexuality and don't really care that I'm gay, but the strange thing is that I don't want anyone else but my friend. I've associated hundreds of songs with memories or thoughts about him and every time I listen to them I break down and cry. When I see him having fun with other people or not inviting me out on a random occassion I get extremely paranoid and think that he doesnt want me in his life anymore. He doesnt know I feel that way but it's eating me up inside. Basically, I need advice on what path I should take. I've had a year and a half of insane emotion, all-encompassing love and heartbreak, now I just want this chapter of my life to have some form of closure. There is no possible way I can say in words that could somehow explain what this has been like for me, or anyway I can make someone understand. What I need right now is an answer, should I tell him my true feelings incase he reciprocates? Nothing would make me happier than to just be with him, I don't care about the future as long as he is in it. Or shall I try and get over it? I've tried before on several occassions but it's impossible since he's my best friend, and completely ousting him from my life would be even more painful since there would be no point to getting up in the morning if I knew I wouldnt see him. What should I do?
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male
reader, hyen  +, writes (3 June 2009):
You know what, i had a similar experience as well. However, I know i'm not sexually attracted to him but i will feel very happy to have him by my side. At timed i will feel depressed when he seemed to have left me out.
The only difference is that i had already confessed my feelings for him since last year's september. And my conclusion is that things turned out bitterly and i have lose contact with him till now even though we have known each other for 8 years and became close friends in this past 5 years. So i will post a few questions for you to wonder before you take your step
1) HOw much do you understand your friend? Is he the kind of guys who are often oblivious towards people's feelings and attractions? Is he homophobic?
2) can you bear to lose contact with him if he doesn't reciprocate?
3) Also, will you be willing to take a brave step to talk to him after the confession so as to re-establish a new friendship?
These are simple questions to answer but they are difficult to do in reality.
I'm 20 years old this year. For my story, i really believed that my friend can sense my attraction for him because we spent time together all the time and ,indeed, i did drop hints. However, as much as i had hinted, he eventually told me that he did not realise it at all and felt betrayed because he thought that i only treated him as a very good friend. WELL to cut the story short, eventually things turn out badly and he avoided me, which made me really depressed as though the world is collasping.
Even up till then when we saw each other recently, he did send handphone messages to communicate with me but things are different when we actually saw each other. WE just cant talk at all... its freaking weird and im just not really over him. SOmetimes seeing him made me feel sad, angry or even disappointed, which made me feel worse again.
Think carefully if you really want to confess. My advice will be: Do what you heart tells you but you must be ready to face the consequences. and the process will be rough and difficult...
All the best:)
A
male
reader, hyen +, writes (3 June 2009):
You know what, i had a similar experience as well. However, I know i'm not sexually attracted to him but i will feel very happy to have him by my side. At timed i will feel depressed when he seemed to have left me out.
The only difference is that i had already confessed my feelings for him since last year's september. And my conclusion is that things turned out bitterly and i have lose contact with him till now even though we have known each other for 8 years and became close friends in this past 5 years. So i will post a few questions for you to wonder before you take your step
1) HOw much do you understand your friend? Is he the kind of guys who are often oblivious towards people's feelings and attractions? Is he homophobic?
2) can you bear to lose contact with him if he doesn't reciprocate?
3) Also, will you be willing to take a brave step to talk to him after the confession so as to re-establish a new friendship?
These are simple questions to answer but they are difficult to do in reality.
I'm 20 years old this year. For my story, i really believed that my friend can sense my attraction for him because we spent time together all the time and ,indeed, i did drop hints. However, as much as i had hinted, he eventually told me that he did not realise it at all and felt betrayed because he thought that i only treated him as a very good friend. WELL to cut the story short, eventually things turn out badly and he avoided me, which made me really depressed as though the world is collasping.
Even up till then when we saw each other recently, he did send handphone messages to communicate with me but things are different when we actually saw each other. WE just cant talk at all... its freaking weird and im just not really over him. SOmetimes seeing him made me feel sad, angry or even disappointed, which made me feel worse again.
Think carefully if you really want to confess. My advice will be: Do what you heart tells you but you must be ready to face the consequences. and the process will be rough and difficult...
All the best:)
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A
male
reader, no-food-left +, writes (14 March 2009):
no-food-left is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know it's not set in stone that I'm gay yet, but I'm pretty sure I am since i have no attraction to girls whatsoever. I get along with girls in a buddy way, but it's hard for me to be sexually attracted to them. I always used to wonder why my guy friends would always get shy infront of girls and i didnt??Anyway, I basically don't know whether I should just spill the beans, and if he says no then it will probably mean I'll be able to get over him. If he reacts positively I'd be the happiest guy in the world.It's weird though because sometimes he makes it obvious that he is straight, then other times he just does things that make me think otherwise, something like when im at his house we have these moments where he'd stare at me, or smile when i'm talking and there's a sort of sexual tension. However I dont know if i'm just overanalysing it and its all in my head??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): Don't be so hasty in choosing your sexuallity, you're just beginning your teen years you have raging hormones and and emotions(yeah guys too!!). When you get older you'll know exactly what you are.(straight, gay, bi) what ever it is you'll know, alot of guys get curious about their sexuality like this.I think the reason why you feel so much emotion towards your guy friend because over your whole life you've had a series of crappy friends (every body has them) and suddenly when you you meet this dude and he's cool he's loyal and you guys are like brothers, so you start developing feelings for him. I don't think it's more than that but if you really think that you're gay and want to tell your friend then tell him. It's your decision but I just don't think you are, think it over first buddy gudd luck---
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