A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in my first real relationship. I met a woman who I thought was out of my league and being the first woman who I think ever loved me, I created in my head a perfect vision of her. I put her on a pedastal even though she felt like slapping me upside the head a few times when I implied she is perfect. So as could be expected, when some things didn't go as I "hoped" they would, I found myself upset and dejected because I just couldn't see that she was "normal." That she made mistakes and had problems like everyone else. We had an argument recently and in figuring out what went wrong, I realized my mistake; that I idealized her and made her the center of my world in such a way I was setting myself up for disappointment. It wasn't right of me and certainly wasn't fair to her. I want to apologize and explain myself. But I don't want to say the wrong thing. Would telling her that I thought she was perfect and it was a mistake be ok? Or would it kinda be insulting since I'm saying that she's not perfect?(ps, my account info was entered wrong, I'm not in my late 30s but in my early 20s.) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009):
telling me you idolise me would make me run a mile...
why not just say "I am sorry - i am not brilliant at relationships yet - i am learning every day from a great teacher, but i still make mistakes and i am sorry"
Star.x.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): I'm sorry.. i meant NOT quite the way to put it. Very different.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Yes i don't think saying "i thought you were perfect but i was wrong is quite the way to put it."
Gently explain to her that You were simply so refreshened by her love, (as it was somethign you'd never experienced before) that you made impossible goals and expectations of her, (Somewhat how a parents sets high standards for his child because he has such strong faith in him. But when he can't achieve them all, he still loves him... you don't have to say that part.) and you know that it wasn't fair to her and you are very sorry. Let her know that you realize that while she everything you've dreamt of, she is also human.
And aren't you at least a little relieved to know that she makes mistake just as you do? Wouldn't this make you feel less inferior? If so, tell her that
Also, remind yourself that "perfect relationships" as people describe them are not ones that have no issues and n oarguements and both people involved are not angels who never say or do the wrong thing. They consist of bumps and hurtles that people must go through in order to learn more from each other and experience how to work together to get through anything.
If you can agree with what i just said and tell this to her also, in your own way of course, then i think you're good to go.
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male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (20 April 2009):
It sounds like you have it figured out, you realise the problem, all you have to do is adjust the way you think about her and tell her all that you told us. As for making her feel not perfect, as long as you say it in the right way you should be fine. It sounds like she may be relieved with this revelation as the pedastal comes with great pressure.
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