Made mistake of breaking up with him, want him back, but how??

A female age 36-40, *3ftigereyes writes:

my ex and i were together for 4 rocky months (we're 23 and 24 years old). i dumped him once in november over a fight he started that distracted me from school (i wasn't that into him them). he came back, made things right, and we got back together. things were great, then i admitted i lied about the number of guys i'd slept with, right after he told me he was "crazy about me" (like i was trying to sabotage it). this nearly broke us up, but he stayed. then, last weekend, i kicked him out of my house at 9 am, because i couldn't handle his intensity. he kept saying he wanted to spend his life with me, introduced me to his siblings, all his friends as his gf. but i don't know how i feel about him! i thought i was wasting his time, so after i kicked him out i told him i didn't love him, that there was no spark between us and if he wanted love to find it somewhere else. basically, i destroyed him. i realized a couple of days after doing this that if i didn't feel for him, why was i unable to get out of bed, crying all the time, a wreck like if he'd dumped me? i've tried all week to get thru to him. no response to calls, texts. i had to block my number to get thru to him, and when i did, he yelled at me for 45 min on the phone (not in a disrespectful way, never calling me names or swearing even though i hurt him so bad, which is why i stayed with him and care about him, bc he treats me like gold) about how i broke his heart, how i played him, and how he never wants to have anything to do with me again. he only started talking to me again this past Saturday because he found out my grandma is in the hospitable (his dad died last yr so he is sympathetic) and says he wants to support me thru it, but says after this he wants NOTHING to do with me. i don't even want to ask to be his gf, i want the bare minimum of friends just to build trust and show that i actually do care, but he refuses to even see me cuz he says if he does i will "trap him" again and that he can't be friends with someone he had such strong feelings for. i don't know what to do. i've begged him to let me make it better, but he says "in the 4 months of our relationship u've shown me who you are: selfish, a player, etc." and doesn't want to give me a chance. i made a terrible mistake. i didn't know how i felt, but his absence has shown me how much i do like him. how do i get him back??! he's not listening to reasoning or my pleading. i'm afraid he's gonna cut me off soon and never talk to me again. i need help now to get him back. it's so so painful w/o him.

View related questions: got back together, player, spark, text

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A female reader, dollface1  +, writes (1 February 2011):

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