A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I lived next door to a woman my age with children the same age as my son. I felt lucky to have moved into a home so close to someone I could relate to and chat with, and our kids could play together. My boyfriend and I were fighting a lot, and I admit that most of our issues were my fault, but in hindsight I know that it wouldn't have lasted...my boyfriend has a son that his life revolves around, and while I understand what being a parent means and what that demands from a person, it was a hard pill to swallow when I made a conscious effort to prioritize my boyfriend and be repaid with neglect. I would have never been able to get over that, and my resentment would have eventually built to a point where I would have walked out anyway. My boyfriend and I took some time to be away from each other, and during that time he became very angry at me for something I did, and he went next door to vent to my friend and her husband while I was visiting with my mother for a couple days. My boyfriend, during his fits of fury, asked my friend to tell him everything she knew about me that I may have been keeping from him. It wasn't that I was really keeping anything from him, but there were things I discussed with this woman that weighed on me, bothered me, etc...I vented to her when I was angry or jealous, I talked to her like I would talk to any of my girlfriends. It was stuff you don't want to tell your boyfriend but stuff you want to get off your chest, and I confided in her. She also confided in me about problems in her marriage, and she often complained about her husband and told me things he didn't know about her. So while my boyfriend was in an irrational state, she opened her mouth and told him everything I ever said, complained about, little things I was trying to hide from him (like I broke the drawer in the kitchen and super glued it, and the Kuerig coffee pot he gave me was going on the fritz so I bought a new one and didn't tell him so he wouldn't feel bad about buying me a piece of junk), and of course by the time he called me that night he was enraged with me. We broke up.I sent her a text the next day telling her that I enjoyed her friendship but since I was moving back to my previous home, our friendship wouldn't be able to work. She acted all surprised at that, which made me angry. I asked her why she felt it was necessary to tell him all those things about me, and she got defensive and tried to blame it on her husband for forcing her to tell my boyfriend, which I know isn't true because her husband couldn't care less about crap like that. I then replied, in so many words, that it wasn't her place to tell him those things, and when he asked she should have directed him to me to talk to about it, so I could explain things when he wasn't so angry. I just don't understand how a person who was supposed to be my best friend could do that to me, to think it was a good time to say anything to him when he was so upset, then try to defend herself. I cut her out, but am I being unreasonable? Can someone try to look at this from a different point of view?
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female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 I think that you acted in exactly the way any person would! You have every right to be angry because she was out of line! She really had no right to pass on your discussions to anyone else!
However, if I were you, I would not cut her out completely. Your children can continue to be friends and you can just be civil but distant. Just explain to her that you don't feel you can trust her in the same way you did before.. but there is no reason to let this incident hang over you. As you say, the relationship was going to end anyways...However, if she really is going to bring you more sadness than joy...then cut it!! Good luck xx
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 She is no friend of yours and you did the right thing servering all ties. What she did was betrayed your trust and it questions what she was up to as she should have known that what she said will harm your relationship. I think its best she showed her true colours and who needs enemies when you have friends like her.
Sorry about the break up, but in order to heal, let it go and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): What you did was absolutely right. You don't need friends who tell on you whatever the situation. they need to have your back.!
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