A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello can anyone please tell me what to do when i was younger there was a girl that most of the boys were after and no one could get her, she would flirt with all of us. Me and her didn't really talk that much when we were younger but when she would stay over her friends house and then get kicked out with her friend they would stay at mine this would probably happen every other weekend. I was nuts about her and she knew it but would never give me a proper answer any way jump a few years ahead i'm now living in a different country and she is still living around the same area when we were younger. We lost contact when i left and some time last year we made contact thanks to Facebook now were chatting online every day. The problem is i can't get her out of my head from the minute i wake up to the minute i go to sleep and even sometimes in my sleep. She has a kid now but is not in a relationship with the father. My question is, is it love or lust we've never kissed or done anything else except flirt we were meant to meet up a few times but things got in the way. Any advise would be great i don't know what to do if i was in a relationship with her i would move back there with out thinking twice. Please help i don't know what to do do i break off contact with her?
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female
reader, Red591  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 Facebook is fine for long distance boredom chatting but wrapping yourself up with someone you will never see is not good cause you may overlook something close to you. You have a boyhood crush and you are fantasizing based on a memory and not the woman she currently is. It sucks to say this, but I would never want to meet any of my dream guys cause they could never live up to the image in my head. Or worse, they could never do any wrong because of the image in my head. Both are unhealthy. If you ever live close then meet up but make sure you clear out those memories as they can cloud your judgement or leave you dissappointed in someone that is not the memory you have.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): I wouldn't stop talking to her just cuz she doesn't have the same strong feelings as you. If she enjoys being even the slightest friend to you, I would continue chatting with her. She might even feel closer to you in the future, so not all is lost, for hope. If you live pretty far away and chatting long distance is all you've got, hang onto that. It seems you really do have loving feelings for her, so any interacting at all with her will make you feel alot better than none at all, and you'll be there for her, as well, that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthis should of went on the end of the last message the question is what to do now do i just stop talking to her or what?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi all thanks for giving me some advice
Rescuer i took your advice and asked her how she felt then and now back then she thinks she had no feelings for me but can't remember i can understand that it was a long time ago
PuzzleSolver you got it in your second sentence she said she doesn't know she doesn't really think of me in that way
i thought i was untouchable with people breaking my heart but shes the one who just has maybe subconsciously i just wasn't in the other relationships emotionally as i thought i was other wise i wouldn't of thought i was untouchable if that makes any sense
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): I know this probably isn't what you were wanting to hear, but she doesn't seem to have ever had strong feelings for you. I believe it would be too one sided to move all the way back there for. It's really unfortunate, though, because you seem to have always had feelings for her, and she was chased by the boys so much that she never paused and focused on how real your feelings were, for her.
On the positive side, if you query her for how she's ever felt or does feel about you, and whether she would be interested in such a plan to be together, she might just have been holding feelings in, for you, all along, and there might be the chance things will turn out well. I would talk over the phone, if you can, alot, first though, and go from there.
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