A
female
age
36-40,
*ittlediva
writes:2 months ago I met a wonderful man. He is kind, considerate and he treats me like a princess. There is just one problem : hes married to someone else. He has been seperated from his wife since febuary of this year after he found out she was having an affair with one of his friends. They have a daughter together who is 3. I am 23 and he is 32 which does not bother either of us. He remains friends with his ex wife which I was initially didnt mind but now niggly things are starting to bother me, he makes excuses for why she cheated... I never bring up the subject but he has told me she was only 17 when they got involved and had never been with another man, shes 30. He plays a very active role in his daughters life which I am fine with, although it was never in my agenda to be involved with a man with a child. I have made an exception in this instance when in the past I have dismissed men for that reason. All of this is because I've never met anybody as special as him in my life.I have been hurt in the past and I don't want this man to let me down although I trust him. I have met his family but not his daughter yet which I think would be wrong at this stage. His ex wife knows about me and is asking for him back but he has said he is filing for divorce. Despite all of that he still admits he cares for her and will always be friends. Am i so selfish that I have a problem with that? I don't want to share him with his ex wife. I can see myself wanting to be with this man for a very long time but I don't want this woman in the picture even though i know she has to be for the sake of his daughter. This situation is more difficult then I had ever imagined it could be. Has anyone ever been in a similar position who could offer any advice? I do trust him and he tells me he wants to be with me. I have not mentioned any of these anxieties to him however it is something I am deeply concerned about. Many thanks for any response
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male
reader, Cools_Breeze  +, writes (18 September 2010):
Wow! this is crazy I was exactly in the same situation as you are right now, even the age is the same. But it was my ex girlfriend who was the one that had the child and being older and her ex-husband who cheated on her that led her to a divorce.
We broke up recently due to the age difference primarily. But I was also unhappy in the relationship due to her being busy most of the time with her child, and there's nothing wrong with that, and her spending time with her ex-husband. And not enough time being spent with me.
The thing you should realize is that you are 23 years old and he's 32 which is considered a great deal older than you. You still have your whole life ahead of you and you shouldn't have to settle in order to be happy. Their child is only three years old, which means that there are still many more years to come in which they will do stuff together with the child. If you can handle that then it won't matter to you but if you can't then most likely you need to end things. Also if you plan on marrying this guy one day and having kids, then you have to realize that there might be a new bad situation right there.
However, if this person truly and deeply makes you happy then you should really try hard to communicate to your boyfriend and tell him that this situation bothers you, and then continue being there for him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): girl he does sound like a great man. but just be friends. if he is making excuses as to why she cheated then that means he tries to find the good in everyone. and/or he still loves her.you will just get hurt.just back away.
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A
female
reader, candyheart  +, writes (18 September 2010):
This might not be the answer you wanted to hear but I think you need to have a serious talk to your boyfriend. It not an easy situation to be in a relationship with a man who is technically still married to another woman. Of course this is gonna be difficult on you especially if he treated you nice and seem like he is really wonderful but the right thing to do is to take a little break meaning... that you will remain only friend with him until he file his divorce paper legally because :
1. you gotta make him think that you are worth it and you are not a spare
2. You need to apreciate yourself and love yourself and prevent yourself from getting hurt again.
If he is making excuses for her big chances he is still in love with the ex. If you put just enough space between you and him its going to make him realize that he miss you or decided who he really love, at least you gonna find out the truth and hopefully it is you that he wanted. But don't be mean keep on contact and don't be to pushy and be supportive always trough the tough time.... the line is thin is your choice sweetheart.
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