A
male
age
,
*shtonn
writes: I have been dating a wonderful, very attractive, (but slightly stubborn, perfectionist), lady for one year now. We are both divorced, she for 12 years with over 10 sexual relationships that ended for one reason or the other, and me for 1 year, her being my only sexual relationship since my divorce. Our dating relationship has had its ups and downs, but is mostly great, (we have even discussed marriage). 3 months into our relationship she asked me if an ex boyfriend asks her to go out for a drink or such to get caught up on each others life would I mind. (To be fair she DID say she would only be interested to see 2 or 3 men from her past, and they have moved on and she has zero feelings for them except as friends, and I have no reason not to trust her). I told her I would not be comfortable with that… with her being gorgeous, and men being men, and them having a romantic past together, I didn’t see the need to put our new and wonderful relationship under that kind of strain, and that a text, e-mail, or phone call should be enough to get her “caught up”. She said I was over reacting, and being a drama queen, (mostly because of my approach to the matter), but agreed not to see men from her past she has had sex with. Just last week we celebrated our one year anniversary together and had a WONDERFUL time. The following morning we were texting back and forth gushing about our wonderful night and I tried to call around lunch time and got her voice mail, nothing unusual it was a workday. About 1 hour later she called me back to say she was sorry for missing my call and that my ears must have been burning because she had lunch with an old boyfriend that called her for a last minute invite, and she was sharing with him how happy she was in love with me. She WAS happy I could hear it in her voice, happy about US. I tried to be happy for her, I tried to be grown up, but I could feel that sick emotion jealousy lurking. I waited about an hour to see if it would go away, but it didn’t. I sent her a text asking her “I know you were mostly just real great friends, but didn’t you have sex with him?” -And- “I know she was at work and to take her time and get back to me when she could so it wouldn’t interfere with her workday”. We talked that night and she was very reassuring, calm, and kind. She explained to me they were just great friends and although they shared kisses, hugs, and even slept together naked (once), NOTHING ever happened… they never had sexual intercourse. She went on to explain that if the situation ever presented itself again she would run it by me first, and would not go at all if I felt uncomfortable. I agreed, and we both prided ourselves on how well we handled this. The next day we were texing back and forth and then from 3 till 8 I stop getting her replies. I figured she was just busy, but after a while I started to get concerned about her, and even started wondering if her lunch date was making her re-think us. I text her, “are you ok?” -And- “please call me”. After one more hour she text back, “I’m fine, my phone was off, I don’t feel like talking, I love you, have a good night”. The next day we fought by text, (because she wouldn’t take my calls) and the next, and the next… for a whole week and into our weekend that she cancelled our plans to get together. She is EXTREMELY frustrated, and angry with me for not dropping it on Monday, and not moving on. I am hurt that I felt she broke our agreement we made in our third month, and being we were in contact the morning of the lunch date why didn’t she call me to invite me along? Why didn’t she call me to at least let me know? And that kissing, hugging, and sleeping naked is close enough to sex for me. She said being they never had intercourse she did not break our agreement. I feel like on the one hand I am being a controlling, insecure, ass, that should keep his focus on all the great things she is, and brings to my life... And on the other hand I have to make a point that my feelings are hurt and I feel I deserve an apology. Can you please help me make sense of this? Can you please give me advice?
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anniversary, at work, divorce, her past, I love you, insecure, jealous, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): I had same issue with my girlfriend getting texts from ex boyfriend (who I have met many times and he knows our commitment to one another)as well as ex Match.com dates. We have been together for 8 months and have both declared our love and are going to get married someday (both of us divorced: her three years, me 1 1/2 years). She still
She finally has stopped communication with the ex except when he texts or calls to try and get their kids together, with me and my kids as well. I just takes time and you can't control the situation. That was the cause of many arguments and me or her leaving to give each other space (the make up sex is great, though!) I have learned to trust my girlfriend completely even though I can still let my mind play tricks on me sometimes and get feelings of jealousy.
I hope it all works out for you.
A
female
reader, gleason +, writes (1 April 2010):
hell to the noooooo lunch with anyone alone is fuckd and i better be there or theres no seeing any ex i wouldve left my husband if anything of a short happend like that and why see a blast from the past its time to move on get with the life ur trying to start and dont look back at something you had and look at everything great that you have right infront of you
and thats YOU and everything you do for her
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