A
female
age
26-29,
*x-lilmiss-xx
writes:Dear readers, To cut a long story short, and without going into personal detail or circumstance. Is there anybody whom has lived apart from their partners for years on end and only get together may be 8 days a year...A phone call once a day to discuss the children. No attention, or personal talk, not even How are you! Constantly being blamed for losing our last 2 homes, one of which was in a foreign country, whilst the partner worked away, leaving me with two children to look after alone with just one leave a year, obviously fitting in with work.My issue is while understanding that money is a necessary evil, and he has provided above and beyond, but I have lived a life alone now for 22 years and I really can't do it any more. Am I being so selfish? It has been a long hard road but only ever wished to spend my life with the man I fell in love with, but I'm nothing more than an empty shell, unable to deal with hurting the guy, with my only desire to escape from the lonely existance and to find happiness as we live life today.I'm currently in lodging with my younger daughter, lost my eldest daughter who refuses to return to the UK, and he is still working away. What would you do?Remain in the lonely split family thrash making wrong decisions or stay put in a loveless lonely set up (he loves me, I love him but by no means IN love with, due to everything being my fault somehow).Any advice on the matter will be greatly appreciated,Thanks.(Please be advised this is my daughters account, I'm 46)
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female
reader, xx-lilmiss-xx +, writes (17 April 2009):
xx-lilmiss-xx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your time and replies...Solicitors monday
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (17 April 2009):
 I do know people who have been in your circumstances. And as Emily said, they ended up with a divorce. One couple had an amicable divorce, the other the wife took him to the cleaners.
The amicable divorce couple? Both worked in pretty much the same field, but last posting was in different countries. The other one, she was lonely as she could not get a job that she was interested in in the country where her husband was posted.
Many jobs overseas pay tenfolds for westerners, plus perks. But the wives often suffered boredom and frustrations, unless they found interesting activities in charity organizations or local community development activities.
Because of "status" (positions as Directors, Team Leaders, etc) bestowed upon the westerners working overseas, plus the sometimes astounding remunerations, the men are able to provide well for their families.
Keeping a house under your name is not easy in foreign countries, as not all countries allow ownership by non-citizens. Houses registered under someone local's name, or company, unfortunately, get "lost" by unscrupulous locals. It happens. It is not your fault. If this is the case that you experienced with the homes that you lost.
My suggestion is to look at what you want in life. 46 is still young. Oprah said 50 is the new 25 lol. Love is somewhere around the corner for you.
Get to the nearest solicitor's office, ask for what you are entitled. Set up a small place for yourself. 22 years of devoting your life to him, at the very least, you should have enough from him from the divorce to get a small terraced house or 2up-2down in the UK, and for your little nest egg (pension funds). Rent out one or two rooms so you'd have a steady income from there. Take a part time course, in business management or whatever it is that you are interested in. Get a job. Meet new people. Love will find you.
Or of course, re-join your husband and fall in love all over again, like you did when you dated him him 25 years ago.
Your husband may be working to secure a comfortable retirement period, but if he is content to spend his retirement years overseas and you are in the UK, you would still be apart from him.
All the best to you.
Cat
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2009):
I don't get why you are still with him if you are not in love with him and not happy.
Why not get a job and a place of your own?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): Why can't you live where he lives?
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