A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband had an affair, and as a result now has a nine month old son from it. We are still together. We have been giving her money ($200/month)from the start (not the full amount that the court will make us pay but what we can afford for now.) I recently found out that on top of the money that we are giving her, she is asking now for diapers, half of his swimming lessons, half of a baby gate, and also food (jarred food....that we supply it). This has really gotten me angry and I am having a very hard time understanding these demands. My husband sees his son right now and is worried that if he doesn't give her what she asks for that she will shut the door in his face. My concern is we just don't have the money ($200 a month is making us very tight), we are trying to sell our house and buy down but no one is buying it. We have a 12 year old daughter who has needs to. I feel so frustrated, and am wondering if there is anyone out there who has been in a similar situation and could offer me some advice or even comfort.
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (17 April 2009):
 Giving a 9 month old swimming lessons is quite controversial and really unneccesary. The red cross refuses to give lessons to anyone under the age of 3.
Yes, your husband should be contributing to diapers and a baby gate to keep the child safe. But rather than saying pay for this, pay for that, a flat amount should be calculated that your husband pays her each month and then it is up to her to decide whether to spend that on diapers, food or clothes.
The way that this amount is figured by the court is a formula that takes into account his income and expences, her income and expences and spits out a number at the end. It is pretty straight forward. Perhaps you could contact your local child support office and ask them for a copy of that form. Then you can fill it in and figure out what the government would expect you to pay and begin paying that figure. It may not be that differant than what you are already paying.
A warning though, if she does ever go to court to get a formal child support decree and visitation schedule set up, all that you are paying right now may not be counted. Because it is undocumented it may not be counted. She could then go after you for back child support since the child was born, even though you have been contributing the whole time. Be very careful.
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