A
female
age
41-50,
*irgo7
writes:I have been in a relationship with the man I absolutely love and adore for 2 1/2 years. When we met he was married with 2 children. His wife he claimed he was never in love with. They married young and he said he really only married her because he felt sorry for her, and the reason he hadn't left her sooner was because he just couldn't hurt her. He cares about her and will always care about her. Very soon after we met he left his family. The feelings he felt for me were tremendous. There was a love and a passion- a chemistry that couldn't be explained. He moved in (yes, much too quickly), filed for a divorse and we proceeded to be very much in love. After about 4 months I became pregnant (oops). In the meantime he became very distrought about leaving his children. His not quite ex wife adamantly opposed me ever being around her children, and he needed to see them more, he was always having to go there to see them. A couple months later he moved out so that he could have his children over. Being pregnant and emotional, this step obviously affected me deeply. I struggled on during my pregnancy, he was kinda there but not. He would sleep next to me for a week then not come around for a week. We went through small breakups and back together agains throughout the whole pregnancy. I remember my water breaking and having to decide whether or not I wanted to call him ( I did call him-so he could pretty much sleep through my entire labor!). We always came back to the conclusion that we love each other and he was just very deeply and emotionally hurt because he left his children, and he just wanted to be a good father. After my most sweet and wonderful baby was born, it was yet more of the same. Together for a couple weeks then he would disappear, sometimes for days a few times for weeks at a time. One time, when baby was nine months old he was gone for 3 weeks. Just a couple months ago, I found out that during this three weeks that we had supposedly broken up, he had sex with his ex wife and she got pregnant. She is now ready to give birth any day.Months and months prior to that day our relationship had seemed so wonderful(pretty much from the day of the incident to the day he told me which was about 6 months later). We were spending time together, we were happy, we were with each other every night. We were very much in love.The day he told me she was pregnant. I obviously flipped out at first. When he told me that he was in love with me and would do anything he could to hold on to me, I decided that I would rise above, and accept it, because leaving wasn't the answer for me or our baby and I do love him deeply in a way that is unexplainable to me. He moved back in with us. In these last two months, he has again become distant. I know the stress of the whole situation has to be just awful for him. He doesn't talk to me, he just works all the time, and spends the rest of his time with his other kids and ex wife, or he is gone just to be alone. He had started doing the "disappearing" thing again in the last two weeks.I am trying to be compassionate, supportive, love him, and rise above it, but I am no saint. I get angry I have emotional breakdowns, and I am finding it so hard to do the other functions of my life, kids and work. I also haven't spoken to my friends in a long time because I am so embarrassed by this whole situation. I by the way have still not met his children after 2 1/2 years of being with this man and having his baby. He has introduce my baby to his other family, but the ex is still opposed to them meeting me. I also have never met or spoken to his ex wife. I still absolutely love and adore him. He loves me, but he won't open up to me for fear of losing his children. He fears his ex wont let him see his kids if our relationship progresses too much-he sees them whenever he wants to as we speak. His ex wife wants him back still (i imagine it is for security reasons). He also fears that his ex will emotionally hurt his children if our relationship progresses. He still loves his ex in the way that he can't hurt her anymore than he already has. He wont open up to me because he feels like he is not good for anybody, and that he should just be alone and try to be a good dad. What on earth should I do? I try to talk myself into leaving him completely, but I know it is not the right answer for me, love won't let me. I am trying to rise above and give him space, but I am so miserable without him. Can this situation ever be resolved? Can I do anything to help resolve it. I feel like if he was spending time with his kids and me and baby we would feel more together-but that won't be allowed. I guess I don't really blame his ex for doing this. I obviously (maybe i am crazy) want for our relationship to progress, and someday be his wife I know we could be wonderful together for life. Should I just wait in loneliness and misery for him to come around? I don't know what else to do.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Sounds like he's a liar. If he married his wife because he felt sorry for her then why does he keep going back to her and has another child by him? Another thing is if he loved and cared about you then why hasn't he been there for you and his child? Instead, he constantly runs back to his wife claiming that it was all about his children but instead cheating on you with his ex wife. You are being played for a fool, he had an affair then in the rarity he left her, and is now cheating on you with her. In this case once a cheater always a cheater. He doesn't care about you or the baby otherwise he would work out an arrangement with the ex wife to have the kids every so often and then spend the rest of the time helping you with the baby..He also would have never gotten his own place. He doesn't want you as his wife, he already has one that is going to take him back. Leave this jerk, take him to court and get child support out of him because he obviously isn't doing anything to be a part of the child's life. Don't hold your breathe for him.
A
female
reader, irisgay  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 thats kinda sucks,, and hopefully it will nt happen to anyone again... you are right love will nt leave u even pain,, but u need to move on, on my situation now as a mistress and im from phillipines and hes now at u.s with his family, its kinda suck to wait and wait his email till he got chance, love is too powerful, always theres a reason for everything, just do watever u need for ur kids, just ignore watever hes doin u will see he will come back to u
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