A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,My fiance and I have been together for over 3 years now, we've been engaged for about a year. My question here is: Is it me causing all these problems or something else?Our relationship had a rocky start but after that we were pretty solid together, we never shut up about how much we loved each other etc etc (and all the lovey dovey stuff). We have always had a long distance relationship due to her mum living on the other side of the UK to me and her living at home while she was at University which she is not at now. I don't see her very often and it seems there is always something she has to do when we do wanna see each other. Regardless, we spend a hell of a lot of time on skype / playing online games together as we are both gaming nerds. Now here is when it all got a little too much for me, partly due to not ever being able to see her, stress at work and general stress over life I was diagnosed with severe depression and was prescribed medication for over a year and I am now successfully finally coming off it after turning a hell of a lot of my life around. (Sorry to rant on a little but I wanna get the whole picture in!).So anyways, the last 6 months have been up and down, she seems to constantly moan about everything. If I say the wrong thing or forget to do something it's as if I've done something horrible, she will shout and moan about it, raise her voice at me until it turns into an argument and even then I apologize all the time even when i've just been sat there taking a rant to the face. It feels a lot of the time like I cant go a day without doing something horribly wrong and half the time I don't realise I'm even doing anything.Like today for example (and this is what has made me post here), I came home from work early and made myself some dinner, I knew she was available to chat on skype with me and i said i'd be on after i made my food. I made my dinner and get a nasty text saying how slow I am at making food etc. I eat my dinner and head upstairs and we must have been talking for about 30 seconds about how slow she thinks I am at cooking and that its funny that I don't come eat upstairs like I normally do to talk to her when she doesn't have too much time. I apologized (No idea why i should really) to avoid conflict but as usual she ends up getting loader and moans and moans then says she cant be bothered speaking to me and hangs up.Am I doing something wrong? I love her to absolute bits and pieces, I'd do anything for her in the entire world but it's really getting me down now and I don't want to end up rolling back into my depression. Please help!!!!Thank you
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at work, engaged, fiance, living at home, long distance, online game, online gaming, text, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): Thank you so much for your answers guys, gonna try speaking to her about all this before I make any big decisions.
Thank you again
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (15 October 2013):
There's two problems here:
You're in a LDR, and the girl you're in it with is a b***c. Sorry, but it's true.
Sometimes you love someone that's just not a good fit for you, and this is definitely one of those cases. If you could move to the same city (not the same house!) very soon, I'd say you should work on the relationship. But the fact is that you can't, and by sticking with her you're just making it harder in the long run.
I'd say it's just time to move on and find someone closer to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): Hey you said it yourself. There is something wrong in the relationship. Get it fixed or you wont be married to long before she drives you crazy. There is something wrong and she needs to address it. You have done way more than your share as far as the info you have given. Put the engagement on hold and tell her to get help. To continue this relationship in this manner is just shear hypocrisy. You do not need her to drive you to having a nervous breakdown. This is nuts. Totally nuts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): Hi there, as a mental health nurse I know the road to recovery is very long and depression is much like a virus it just kinda clings onto us, waiting to pounce .. So I think you have every right to consider what's going on .Here my tuppence worth .1. She could be stressed and aggravated by the distance and non physical aspect of the relationship ..2. This could just be her nature and as the honeymoon period ends, she feels free to express the real her?! I personally don't think that having your dinner in peace n quiet is a bad thing .. So I don't think you really need to apologises for that .Plan of action .. I think you really need to discuss this situation and the stress this is putting you under .. I have been with my husband for 24 years since I was 15teen lol and he says I nag beautifully lol lol it's not nagging it's the ability to box clever and it keeps him on track and us still very much in love . Keep it light ask her if she feeling stressed at the distances apart ect .. If she says no to this then you really need to address her behaviour / attitude, I mean if this was reversed I'd be saying its beginning to borderline on abuse and my opinion shouldn't change just because your a guy .. She really needs to get her temper under control . There is no excuse .. So tell her that if she has issues you want to discuss not shout n scream as that is not proactive and whoever losing the battle loses the war .. I mean you probably don't take on much if she screaming but if she explained her feelings with this is how I feel when you do, this, this or this, you will be able to reassure her or compromise over the issue ..Open dialogue .. And keep up the good work on your depression .. A day at a time ..
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