A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I fell in love with a girl at my university roughly two years ago. The only problem is I suffer from social anxiety disorder, so I never was able to show her my true personality. For those who doubt the significance of mental illness, I'm not talking about simply being shy. It is a physical impossibility for me to talk sometimes because my anxiety makes me run out of breath. I have what you call panic attacks during presentations or small group discussions. Additionally I suffered from panic attacks, chronic lightheadedness, and tension headaches that really sapped the life out of me. As a consequence, we never really hit it off, but the time we did spend together did have some nice qualities to it. We primarily spent time together because we shared the same class, when the class was over, my time seeing her was completely vanished. I knew that if I could overcome my anxiety disorder, I would be able to make the relationship work. Actually I'm very confident in my personality when I'm not in an anxious state, which only occurs around my family members who I've spent my entire life with. I went through a cognitive behavioral therapy program and even went to great lengths to get an experimental medication to augment the treatment. I subjected my body to multiple panic attacks in grueling exposures that saw me range from symptoms of leaving my body to feeling like I was near death. The pain I can't describe, but an intense, unrelenting river of sheer torture. It is the stuff that makes men break. I tried my hardest to get better, but it didn't seem to work, or it only marginally improved my condition.I went ahead and tried to contact her anyways, and I wrote a love letter to her, but of course she never really knew me because of my disorder, it was to no avail. I love this girl very much, I would not have gone through so much pain if I didn't have such a large amount of care for her. Now there is another medication, as a last resort. But I can't take it until next year. I'd all but given up on her and any prospects of being with her as she's an international student and this is her last year here. I'll be applying to medical school next year, and I feel I have to wait until then and until I take the medication. I kept telling myself to let her go, and I've not contacted her but the few times earlier this year when I made contact again. But I can't give up on her. I feel almost as if I'm bound to her, that inevitably no matter what I come back to thinking about her. It isn't from a lack of others in my life, believe it or not I've had other girls hit on me that were attractive. But I just don't feel it with them. I know the odds are slim, and I made a fool of myself with the love letter. But I just can't let this go. I don't know how many people can empathize with what I'm saying, this isn't like a situation where you two just don't hit it off, I never got to show her how I truly am. It's so incredibly painful to be locked up and not strong enough to break out of the cell and have to watch the one you love always at an arms distance. It's not a lack of will power either, I'd gladly put my will power on measure to anyone else and I think it would come out nearly equal or greater. It's like this unmovable force in my mind that tortures me to great pains.That's the reason I have to wait until next year. I have to wait until next year to take this medication, because I need to study for a major exam for medical school and I need to do a lot of community work, which such a medication would interfere with. Additionally it is a very dangerous drug and one I want to limit my exposure to. I have to believe that if I can overcome this disorder, that I would have the tools necessary to be with her. I would love her probably more than a woman has been loved, because I know how to appreciate such a thing, having lived my life with virtually no human contact for the majority of my life. I'm going to message her, but I know she's already rejected me from before. I just want to get other people's thoughts on the issue.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): You love a woman you have only interacted with in an academic setting? I feel very strongly that you have not yet experienced love, and are simply confusing your attraction to this woman's pheromones as love.I am a female with social anxiety. I have been unable to complete even a 2 year college degree (despite having scored above 140 on an IQ test) because i am required to take a speech class where i would be graded solely on my ability to create and give presentations (both by myself and in a group). I am shaking uncontrollably as I type this. just thinking about it causes symptoms to begin. :-/I may never be able to graduate college because of my social anxiety, but I can assure you that when it comes to true love...something more powerful than just pheromones...you will be able to overcome your social anxiety. For me, when I met my love almost 8 years ago, I was outwardly confident, bold even! Both of us knew within two weeks of our being formally introduced that we were meant to be together.With true love, the other person doesn't care if you have social anxiety. They love you for who you are, anxieties, intelligence, humor, devotion, etc. A medication will not make her love you. You've placed her on a pedestal. You worship her. No other woman is good enough. In some way, it almost seems like you only want her because she has rejected you. You have a chance with other girls you claim you do not love like this girl. You blame your social anxiety for the girl not loving you in return, when the most likely circumstance is she simply doesn't have a romantic interest in you like you have in her. (simply put: dude, she's just not that into you.). If you want to overcome your social anxiety when it comes to women, date a few who are interested in you. It is entirely possible she may become interested in you once she realizes you are seeming to become more confident.And, no more love letters to women you barely speak to outside of class. I've been rejected over a love letter before too. People we rarely interact with often find our letters confessing like/love/undying love creepy and stalkerish. Even if our anxieties cause the old-fashioned love letter to seem like the best option for letting another know why our heart beats...society today doesn't see the charm in love letters anymore. We tend to alienate ourselves further, people sadly find it creepy.All the best to you! I do hope you are able to over come your social anxiety and live a full and confident life. :-)
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