A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need suggestions/opinions please! I am 24, my husband is 32. We have been married about a year and a half, together for 5. He has always had a large collection of porn and used it frequently and I was fine with that. My dilemma is this: for many months now, our sex life has pretty much been non-existent. We have sex MAYBE twice a month, but he still pleasures himself daily. At first I was understanding of his excuses of being tired and having to get up early and his porn being easier/quicker....typical issues. But the fact that this has continued so long and that now the porn comes before me, I'm beginning to resent him. I tried to bring his attention back to me many different ways but he pretty much finds himself more sexually appealing than me. I have been so depressed and he's asked what's wrong, I give him an answer, plans for change are made, but nothing happens. So I started an anti-depressant and purposely chose one known the kill sex drive. I am the one person wanting that side effect and not experiencing it. I even had the dose increased twice! Things are just getting worse and worse. My attitude towards him is anger more often than not. I feel I've made several attempts to be more intimate and now attempting to kill my own sex drive just because I do love him and do not particularly believe divorce to be my best option. But as I said, my moods are becoming horrible when I'm around him and I'm starting to get extremely pissed when I see one of his dvds in the dvd player. I know others have similar issues but everyone's answer seems to be separation. Is this really my only option? Do I really have to chose between the man I love and having a sex life? I thought the two came together!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 April 2014):
 Did you say you are trying to medicate yourself to kill your sex drive? Wow.
I think that if you are messing with your own body's natural health and well-being then you need to consider to take more pro-active steps to changing things.
Find a marriage counselor and make an appointment. You go even if he doesn't.
Get him to a doctor and see if he doesn't have his own issues that cause him to self-medicate through porn and masturbation to the extent that it is killing the intimacy in your own marriage.
Apparently you do have to choose between your health/happiness and this marriage.
Any reason you haven't sought professional counseling for this problem? And have you discussed this as the reason you need medication with your doctor? Your own doctor could offer a referral if needed to that counseling.
http://yourbrainonporn.com has a lot of information on this problem.
If you share a computer, you could leave this question open in the browser and the link to yourbrainonporn as well as a link to marriage counselors and divorce attorneys. It might wake him up, it might not.
Good luck.
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