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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi ya, I feel a bit silly asking this but i cant tell if I am in love or just infatuated with somebody I cant have. I have these feelings for my best male friend that I cant describe. I think about him all the time, speak to him everyday whether it be by text or by phone. If I dont speak to him I feel really down and pine for him. I would do anything for this guy and when I am with him my heart pounds and my stomach feels wierd. Because I havent properly been in love for over 6 years i have forgot what it feels like and frequently get lust mixed up with love. Because we havent been intimate (even though there is sexual tension both sides) I know its not lust. He knows how I feel but was so badly hurt by his ex fiance that he isnt ready for a relationship, but has also admitted he is very attracted to me and if he was ready would want to be with me. I try not to contact him and back off so as not to seem as though I am pressuring him and he always comes forward and contacts me first and almost seems to make more of an effort with me. Opinions would be great!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 October 2006):
 If we could tell the difference between love and infatuation the world would be a much simpler place. Unfortunately we can't, it takes some time for the craziness of infatuation to wear off and only then can we start to be certain if there is stronger love behind it. And despite what you say, it could also be lust...
Either way however, since you feel these feelings for him, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relatioship with him. You say you can't have him but perhaps you can? Just bide your time and focus on having open and intimate communication with him, and you might find things turn out as you want them.
By the way, there is a great video of a lecture about the chemical differences between infatuation, lust and love. You can watch it here, I highly recommend it:
http://www.ted.com/tedtalks/tedtalksplayer.cfm?key=h_fisher
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