A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK well we were together when I was 14 and he was 17 (yes I know very young love) but I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. He was and still is the love of my life I think, I am now 28 and there is not a day that goes by when I don't think about him. I remember the littlest things that he did for me. He used to listen to romance music and he would go to the effort of finding songs that reflected our life and our feelings and he would write the lyrics of the song and give it to me, he would bring me flowers over, he would go into the shops and buy music that he knew I loved, we went on a holiday down to Ballina in NSW and I fell over in the rain and he thought I hit my head on the car, he had bad dreams about it for ages because he really thought I hurt myself, he knew I loved dolphins so we would regularly walk out on the rock wall just to see them playing in the surf. But most recently I haven't been able to get him out of my head for two reasons. We never broke up on our own accord. We started sleeping together and I had a pregnancy scare at the age of 14 and it really freaked my parents out majorly so they said that we were allowed to see each other anymore, we were devastated.I used to sneak out of the house just to see him and I even ran away from home at the age of 15 just to be with him, in the end everything fizzled out because of my strict parents but neither of us wanted it to end, we wanted to be together for ever, he proposed to me at the side of my parents house when I was 14 and he even bought me the most beautiful ring, I can still see it in my head now, that was 13 years ago, he came to my work one day and asked me to come to his house when I finished, I had a boyfriend of 8 months and he had a girlfriend of 6 months, why he wanted me to come over I will never know cause nothing happened we just sat there and talked and went to his room and talked a bit more, he got dressed in front of me and he was never one that could dress himself properly so I helped but that was a far as it went I went home and was a bit confused for a while and also felt like I had cheated on my partner even though nothing happened, I eventually put it to the back of my mind and moved on with my life as he had. I now have three kids with someone I do love and am engaged to marry and he now has two kids with his wife. Ages ago I joined face book and added a friend that I hadn't seen for ages who also happened to be friends with someone that is friends with his wife (didn't know this at the time). I put a post status up saying " wants to know who still thinks about their first love" which this friends friend saw and to cut a long story short I found out through this friends friend that he thinks I need to move no with my life as he has done and to stop trying to contact him ( I was trying to find out a mutual friends last name to find them on face book and I was asking his wife through face book what her name was I didn't actually try and arrange to meet up with him at all)so I pretty much felt like he thought I was stalking him, to make matters even worse my son now does Auskick and his daughter does it as well so I now see him every Friday night which is killing me, I actually think it is damaging my relationship that I am in now cause I cant stop thinking about him and I honestly believe I still love him more then my partner now, the relationship I have with my partner now is nowhere near as deep as it was with him. Me and jaysea we spiritually and emotionally connected and I honestly don't think I will ever have that with my partner now. I have wanted so badly just to walk up to him and ask why he asked me to go to his house that day and if he honestly thinks I am stalking him, I don't believe that he would because we loved each other so deeply. I think it is more his wife that thinks that and as for me going to his house I want to know if that was what he needed to say that yes it is definitely over with her and I can now move on with my new partner or if it was because he wanted to get back with me but didn't end up doing anything about it (god only know why I would not have pulled away). I kick myself every time I think about that day thinking if I had just kissed him or held on to him and told him to never let me go if he would have reciprocated the feelings that I had. If I could go back to that day I would definitely have done something about it. I guess the questions I am asking is 1. How do I find out if he still feels the same way about me?? 2. If he does do we act on it?? 3. If he doesn't how do I put this guy out of my head?? 4. Why did he want me to go to his house that day? 5. Does he think I am stalking him?I don't think I am gonna get any answers because I am to scared to talk to him there are so many people there and what I want to find out really needs to be done when it is only the two of us around. Possibly another question is 6. How do I get his mobile number to message him???please help i am lost and don't know what to do about my relationship now!!i still love him and always will!!
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broke up, engaged, flowers, move on, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): I definatly do not think you need help! I am in a similar situation and im certianly not crazy either. My first love from when i was 13 we were on and off until 3 years ago when I met my fiance. We always talked secretly when we were with other people, or when he had a girlfriend and I was single we would meet up and just talk for hours. I feel I had a deeper connection with him then even my current fiance and I have now. The feelings are not comparable though I hate to admit that. Fast heart, weak in the knees but he was more of the bad boy, he was always willing to cheat on his girlfriends with me and I didnt like that.. I never cheated for him, I felt guilty enough taking to him and meeting up while I was in relationships in the past.. Since I met my fiance 3 years ago we havent had any contact, about a year after dating my fiance a friend of mine who works with my first love told me he had been begging her to tell me he wanted to talk to me, which I resisted. My fiance even worked with him and he would say things to my fiance like "So how is she, tel her I said hey, tell her to add me to facebook" and it made my fiance SOOO mad, so I knew I could never have contact with him as it would hurt him to much. I am now getting married in 4 months and I have been getting cold feet, when just the other day my friend tells me that my first love got his girlfriend pregnant and there having a baby... it felt like my heart stopped, I admit.. i was crushed.. and since then I havent been able to get him out of my head, I can barely sleep.. I dont want to feel this way, im getting married to am amazing man in 4 months who worships the ground I walk on, I almost feel guilty though I have done nothing wrong. I really dont know what to do. Part of me wishes I could somehow contact him just for ONE last conversation with him, because I love him so much and I know he feels the same way.. But we are like each others personal brand of drug, and once we talk once and see each other we cant seem to stop. Im surprised I lasted 3 years, but it has not been easy. Sometimes I wonder if he was the person I am suposed to be with, but I know deep down hes not right for me.. hes amazing to me, but in all reality hes the "bad guy" i know he only ever cheated on his girlfriends with me, but if he did it for me theres no saying he wouldnt do it to me.. I guess its best to move on with the stable man who will always be good to me, and keep my good memory of my true love the way it is. So hard though.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Dear its either you find an answer or just let it be. What do you gain by asking him about the past? For one I don't know why you are thinking so much into what was. I agree you need someone to talk to but it does not have be your ex-love just because it is about him. Again I recommend a simple therapist/shrink or whatever to avoid burdening people in this situation before you make it worse as it clear they do not want to be.
In my opinion it was wrong for him to seek you out that time, but people do that. He did not state his real purpose but I guess you never asked him. You both just accepted it. I'd just say work up some strong will and in a calm fashion, ask him for some answers but again, its just living in the past and you just need to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): "I found out through this friends friend that he thinks I need to move no with my life as he has done and to stop trying to contact him"- and after this, you ask how to get his mobile number! That's stalking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK!! let me just clarify for readers that are not understanding, i am not stalking this guy i asked HIS WIFE a question through a computer about a mutual friend to which she didn't reply and i see him on Friday night because our kids do footy at the same place.
correct me if i am wrong but isn't stalking where you know where that person is at every second of every day, you take pictures of them whenever you can, you know where they live, you have there phone number on speed dial and you know absolutely everything there is to know about them. i don't know where he lives i don't have his phone number i don't have any pictures of him even when we were together
i don't have a chemical imbalance in my head that makes me need to seek professional help and i do not have psychosis
if he had moved on as you say why did he come to me to go over that day, why didn't he just leave me alone, i was at work and had had no contact with him, he came into my workplace, asking for me, wanting me to go to his house not the other way round, i was actually quite surprised to see him at the time.
i know that i don't know him now, i am not a crazy person who thinks i know him better then his wife, and yes i love the memories that we have together, they will forever be in my head, nothing will be able to wipe them. all i am saying is now that i see him weekly a lot of feelings are getting dredged up that i thought i had a control of but turns out that i don't, it is driving me insane i have all these emotions running through my head and i just want to talk to him about it cause he knows what we both went through and i just want an answer about that day, yeah i could be reading to much into it BUT until i know this is gonna be in my head and i don't want it to be in there.
I HAVE MOVED ON WITH MY HUSBAND i didn't say i don't love him, i do, so very much, we are one and we have kids together, WE ARE A FAMILY but it is a different love to what i had with jaysea!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): The reader below me is speaking wise words so pay some attention there. I won't go so far to say that you need professional help but if you can't find it in yourself to move on then you may need to. To be honest, I think you are getting a little pre-marriage stress. The past holds many what could/should've/would've kind of things. You drag 'unresolved events and issues' from the past into the present only to relive them again. Often enough because you cannot understand or accept what happened, and hope that this endless series of reliving it, will somehow lead to some form of understanding or acceptance in the future.
Good Luck and I hope you may be able to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I know you have fond memories of the past but you were different people then. This man is now afraid of you and could possibly file a restraining order if you keep stalking him. No, he does not feel the same and most people aren't that sentimental about things that happened so long ago. He is with the love of his life now, his wife, the mother of his children.
I think you may need professional help because your thoughts and behavior are not based in any kind of reality.
I had a guy that looked me up on myspace that I went out with when I was 14 and he kept after me like I was the love of his life. It was scary that he hadn't moved on and I almost called the police because he was sending things to my house and posting pics of me from highschool on his myspace page saying that I was the one for him and that's why he hadn't married. He wasn't even a significant relationship for me and I thought he was insane.
That's fine that you still have a place in your heart for him but lady, you've taken this way too far. You are in love with a memory, not the man he is today.
Nothing happened in that house that day because he'd ALREADY moved on then, he had another girlfriend. You had a boyfriend too, you even went on to get married. Something has happened in your brain that's either like a chemical imbalance or psychosis and you need help.
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