A
male
age
30-35,
*ndretheguy
writes:Hi everyone I really need some advice, I am nearly 19 my girlfriend is 20 we both live in the UK. I am part of the EU but she is here under a student visa from Peru, we have been going out for 5 months now and they have been the best we have ever had and I know deep in my heart I love her a lot, my problem is this, The UK has recently passed a new law stating that people studying here under a new visa may not stay to gain residency now they will always be under a student visa and there is no way she can stay without getting married, this is only the future as she can stay for another 3 years but the thought that she might have to go in 3 years is already making me depressed, I love her so much I don't want her to go, but I don't know what I can do, I have no job, I still live with my parents and I am studying.I really would love to get married to her but I haven't got the conditions at the moment so should I wait a year or so to get my life sorted and ask her to marry me even though my dad would get angry because he wants me to be a pilot and let's face it if I get married that's not gonna happen, or should I just sit back and accept that the love of my life is going to have to leave some day soon.I would really like to get married to her. I Love her and I am totally devoted to her we are both deep in love with each other and love each other very much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Hello,
I read your story and I want to be short in an advise.
First I must admit you are a bite young to know if it is the love of your life or not. I assume your life will be long enough and time then will tell if yes or no she was the one.
Having said that, I must admit that you are facing a tought choice. the fist step is to admit that you can make a choice that seems right now and which then will later on appear as the wrong one. and vice versa. So dont be too tought with yourself whatever choice you make. Second you need to realise that it not about you only but about both of you so why don't try to talk to the person you love and open up your heart. Maybe you may find out that she is not ready for getting married or that she has other plans etc... Once you have cleared your own feeling and motivation and validate with her then make a plan. Maybe you will find out that there is way for you to get married to her and yet get your pilot diploma. So to sum up
1-Try to put your love in it context. Dont be too naive or idealistic. You may find out that she was not the one or she was the one among other "ones" to come.
2- Clear up your mind on your motives and feelings. Are they self centered or directed toward the best interest of the one you love?
3- Check on the other persons feelings and desires. Is she looking to get married now? Would she love enough to dedicate her life living me me?
4- If the answer is yes then make plan so that we wants to do and what you want to do can nicely be aligned for your mutual benefit.
Remember life also about knowing what you want to do and then making a plan toward getting it.
A
male
reader, andretheguy +, writes (5 March 2008):
andretheguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your answers i am feeling lot better, i have talked with her and i know that 3 years is a long time and alot can happen but we really think we are made for eachother. i am sure we will stick together and hopefully if we are still together i will do whatever it takes for it to stay that way.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 In three years, many things could change.
Nobody really knows what will happen.
Cross the bridge only when you reach there.
Don't let this decision affects your relationship.
There will always be a way out of any problems.
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A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Hey, you can still become a pilot if you get married =S a ring on your ringer wont stop you going to work or training! x
Get a job, at part time on at least its a start work it from there, if you want to marry this woman go for it x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I have a problem like that too .. except .. I am in USA (Im from EU) my BF is American ... I am in my late twenties he is year younger .. my visa will be running out next year ... I love my BF and I know he loves me ... but we are not sure what to do ... so we are just giving it a time .. and when the time comes and we r still happy together we will get married !
Its not up to your family, father or whoever! Its up to you and her... and if you strongly believe that she is the one .. than dont let anyone tell you different. Don't make people tell you what to do! This is your life so make it happen your way not your fathers way!
Good luck
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A
female
reader, mightyhawk +, writes (5 March 2008):
 It really does seem like you live this girl, I do not doubt that, but do you really think you are ready to get married at such a young age? To be honest, you have three years left together, and you don't know what might happen in that time. Thats what this relationship needs; time to show solidaity together, and for the relationship to blossom and for you to make sure that you are absolutely certain you want to commit to life. If you (disragarding what your father may want here)do want to become a pilot, what is to stop you being married too?
To beh honest, I think your main objectives are to sort out your employment right now, and no doubt you want to continue seeing this girl, just don't think to much about the future and enjoy your time with her. In one, two or three years you can get married, but in that time if you are not willing to commit, it may be that the relationship is better ended at that point anyway.
Hope I've been a help.
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