A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So here it goes gang. Long time reader, first time poster.I recently had a strange even unfold. First I will give some back history. I dated this amazing girl for about 2 and a half years. She is a grade younger than me (only 6 months in age apart though). We started dating my freshman year in college and she was a senior in high school. I was her first ever boyfriend but we connected so well I considered her my first true love.Well, it ended up being a long distance relationship and it was a bit rocky. Being our age and in college we where (mostly me) a bit amateur at dating as well as immature. We had a lot of faults and there were things she wanted me to give up but I told her it was my life and she should respect that. Her being new to relationships didn't understand that and she thought that it was a huge slap in the face. Mostly she felt that it wasn't what love was supposed to be. Well, enough road bumps like that on top of a long distance (only two hours apart really) it finally came to a stopping point. It for the most part was a mutual breakup, yet I was still willing to try. Well, a year later (currently) we have both matured far beyond what we where before. I have a lot more respect for her and she is a lot more understanding of lifestyles and such. Well, we had remained good friends throughout the year and talked occasionaly and attend get togethers. A few weeks ago we were at a party drinking and when it came time to go to bed we cuddled. I didn't think nothing of it. She never sleeps around at all and she gets lovey when she drinks. I wrote it off as whatever. Two nights ago, we attended a concert and this is where things went weird. After the concert she said I could crash at her place. I was going to sleep on the futon, but before I could she said jokingly "theres always my comfortable twin bed!" Now knowing her its hard to say directly what she wants. Me still fairly crazy about her I took the bait. We went to bed at 12. Cuddled for about 3 hours, made out for an hour, and had sex after that. Now, we both were caught off gaurd because we never expected such a thing to happen.The problem is that in our year absence I almost knew that she is the best girl I would ever get. No other girl had the chemistry like we did. Problem is that we are still long distance (not as much though, I transferred and I am an our away from her). I also will be studying abroad for a while as well for about a year. I really don't want to try and make it work again when I already knew I am terrible at long distance relationships. Yet, I am so crazy for her. We have not talked about this since but I assume she may want to get back together (as do I). Yet I believe we are both afraid of rejection from the other. I almost am thinking of just being friends until we both have stable lives but I am going to get my masters so that may not be until another 6 years. By then it will be to late...fml. I thought we had moved past this but now this creates a huge problem in my life.Sorry for making this so long, but I like to be thorough. What should I do? I have another chance to see her tonight if I wanted before I leave town. Not sure if I should wait or talk about it sooner than later...
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get back together, immature, long distance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mrvhappy  +, writes (21 September 2010):
Hi,
If you like her,Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Be 100% honest and if she feels the same, then I'm sure you will find a way of making it work.
If you dont talk to her, you may make her feel like a cheap one nite stand...so be a gentleman and do the honourable thing
Good luck and let us know how it goes
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the quick replies. I do believe that trying is better than not trying. I do believe there is something there for both of us. We really did change in the year that we are apart, but I am not sure if we are ready to pick it back up so quickly. Her friend had done the same thing and got back with her ex after two years. They are now happily engaged and studying abroad together.
I tried as hard as I could to move on. I did a good job at that and improved myself, but it is strange how I have the same feelings after all this time. I am talking to her tonight and I am probably just going to say we need more time to think about what we are doing.
thanks again. more advice is welcome.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): I m sorry to hear about the distance that separates you, but it never works when people are away from each other. It will cause a lot of problems. My advice for u is to enjoy this romance now, when u are together, and after just live your life, and maybe in some time(when you closer) get back together. But who knows,what if u find someone else who makes you feel the same. I believe, people can love not just once in their lives, you just have to be opened for it, time will show you if u really have to be together. And also, if before it didn't work for u both, i doubt it will work now.
I dated with a guy when i was exchange student in the country oceans apart, and was really so damn in love, and seemed he was the same. After i came back home, we still talked to each other through e-mails and calls, after year and a half, he just stopped without saying a word. And now, he is getting married another girl. We wanted to get back together in 2 years, he couldn't wait more that 1 year and 6 months. But i could wait even more. Luck is when people love each other the same strong. if you sure you and her could handle it, why not to try? but if u try it and fail, you will hurt each other
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (21 September 2010):
 I think you should see her and I think you should either make long distance work, or she should go with you when you spend the year abroad. Life is so much easier if you find The One earlier rather than later ... don't let her go.
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