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age
,
anonymous
writes:I wanted to share what I am going through.My wife left me last aug. she came back 2 months ago.Today she told me about an affair she had with another man.she said she didnt think it was cheating because we were seperated.Whether or not it still hurts like hell.I wanted to share because I know I am not alone in this.I want to let you all now in this you first have to make up your mind if you want to stay with this person.Do you love them? Love isnt always enough.Can you get through this?Can you ever trust them? All these emotions will go through your mind.At least if you loved them when the affair happened.I think if you are seperated or not one should respect your vows.If you dont how will anyone want to marry you ? If you sleep with someone else other than your mate while you are married then how will the next relationship go? You are still a lyer.If you want to sleep with another person devorce the one you are married to then go ahead.This way you still stay true to your word.To say it is ok is still a lye.Most people who do this want to keep the back door open so if things do not work out they can return to the pld ball and chain.Well it happens alot I am sure.Just happend to me.All I can say is in this case I do love her.I know I can gewt through this.Weather it through.If she does it again oh well the joke is on me.I think people should stick to there word..Since I am not dead and she isnt eather she should have just fivorced me and then had her fun.She said she didnt enjoy it.well after a few tries?I think she felt guilty and didnt want to close the door.By her own admition she only told me beacause her grandmother called me and told me sone other thinks she thought I should know.I do not know how long it will take before i truse her or if I ever will truly trust her.Oh well if you find yourself in this situation just remember it is a choice we all make.who we sleep with and who we decide to have sex with .The big issue after something like this is the trust.If you really think you can truse them and you can work through the pain.well give it a chance.I am giving it a chance because I really love her.It was a combination of both of our behavior that caused the seperation in the first place.I was acting like a ass.she wasnt happy with me for a while.After she left I decided to change my ways.I decided to show her how special she is to me and why I ask her to marry me in the first place. Just because another man laid with my wife a few times while we were seperated does not stop me from loving her.I still hurt like hell yes, but why did she leave me in the first place...I hope this helps some of you out there..No clear answer in any of these things I know.
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female
reader, Shen  +, writes (16 June 2010):
Love is not allways enough to get through it fast or quick but with time and a choice to accept the action you can choose to move forward together.
I think you need to get to the base problem, why she left you in the first place. Her seeking comfort while alone is a natural way to expend her time, but leaving you is a choice she made because she wanted more of something and less of something else.
You can definatly learn to "trust" her again when it comes to the bedroom. She only played around when she thought she was all alone..
If you can trust her to stay in the relastionship in mind and body is another thing.
If you acted like an ass(your words), maybe she really did hope to find a better man... she went looking found one for the midtime...then found another new man...you.
You could look at it like she is with a new man now. One who is less of an ass..
In this way she has chosen the new improved version of you... remember this and she will stay.
If you become the old version she will leave..
Now its complicated...which one is the true you?
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