| A
male
,
*cstorm01
writes: I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5.5 years. After talking to a few friends, I am convinced that I did what was best for myself. However, I still love him and I am fighting urges to call him and tell him it was all a mistake. This is the first relationship I've ever been in and I'm having a really hard time dealing with this. Any advice to help me through this?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Nay920 +, writes (24 August 2006):
I know its hard just to just say forget the whole realationship but you have to be strong 5.5 years is a long term relationship maybe you should go out have fun i know its hard but you have to so you wont be in the house all stressed and depressed.If its meant to be it will be HOPE THIS HELPS.......
A
female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 Maybe because you were with your partner for such a long time your life had become a routine, and now your scared of change. Why don't you and a friend take up a hobbie something like aerobics, karate or even yoga. Something that you can do in the evenings to take your mind off of your ex. Whatever you do don't look for a rebound it is far too soon and you need to find yourself before you find a new partner. Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, kcstorm01 +, writes (24 August 2006):
kcstorm01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Hannieseds! No offense taken :-) It's like you're reading my mind, though. Everything you wrote totally applies. This just sucks so much because I've never gone through this before. I had such high hopes for this relationship, hoping it would be the "one and only." It's funny, before this week, I never missed him anymore when we were apart. I more or less thought "thank God! I have a break and I don't have to deal with him!" I've missed him more in the last three days than I have in the last three years... Thanks again for reassuring me that I'm NOT really crazy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ferooza +, writes (23 August 2006):
sometimes our friends dont know what is best for us. you need to think for yourself as to why you chose to end the relationship. if the reasons are those that cannot be changed then you have made the right choice BUT if you CAN change your partner for the better and he is willing to do this then prehaps you should give him another chance. after all you shared a special bond and you may not find that again. your friends will move on but you will be left in the same spot. think again.
...............................
A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (23 August 2006):
 Not a problem,like you said, the same advice still applies, but just thought I would warn you it was a bloke!!! I forget over in New Zealand it is the morning its 10.15 at night here in rainy England!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 oh shite! Thanks BonyM! I haven't had my morning coffee yet...excuses...
Ummm....okay my bad. But that really doesn't change anything I said - it still applies now I know you're a male! Just change the 'hey girl' to 'hey boy' and the 'girly nights' to 'manly nights'!
Sorry for the confusion :o\
...............................
A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (23 August 2006):
Hannie babes, I just noticed that the poster is MALE!! And you are not s*** agony aunt, I think what you have written is great. Ditto I say!!! Thats all I can say. xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, hannieseds +, writes (23 August 2006):
Hey girl,
I am trying to put myself in your shoes because I have been with my man for just over 5 years and he is my first love and 'serious' relationship. I can't imagine being without him and I am finding myself getting very 'worked up' just thinking of us not being together.
Okay. So that isn't helpful at all. What a shit agony aunt I am.
Okay. So. You obviously have been having your doubts about this relationship for sometime because you wouldn't just throw away 5.5 years of your life if you weren't sure about it. I bet the pros and cons have been going around in your head for a long time now and suddenly something made you snap?
In the end all you really do have is yourself and you have to look our for 'number 1' first, above anything else. I know how much your are hurting right now and how much you think you have lost,but try try try to look at the positives of this. - Your gut instinct/intuition was telling you something, so you followed what you FELT was right and you ended it with him. The positives are that you felt something wasn't right so you got out. That shows you are a very strong and mature woman. Do you have any excitement whatsoever for a future that is so ambigious and so not set anymore? You can explore the world on your own and find out things about yourself you never would have if you had remained in this relationship, which in the end just wasn't right for you. You have to try and grasp every opportunity now and concentrate solely on yourself. You will grow from this.
You will go through a horrible grieving period because a break-up after a 5 year relationship is actually a minor trauma. So don't try and be brave and strong - you are allowed to hurt and cry and be miserable and feel absolutely lost for a while. You shared a lot with this man, so no one expects you go move on or not be having regrets so soon.
I think what you are missing the most right now is the closeness you shared with someone else and the routine of being in a relationship. These things will pass over the next few weeks and you WILL feel better!!
Your friends sound like they know you well and support you and are there for you so grasp onto them to help you through this. My friend has just ended a 10 year relationship with her partner 3 weeks ago and you would never have thought because she has it so together, but she has her weak moments and the 'what if' thoughts. But we are all there to listen and support her through it and we can see how much just being there is helping her. So make sure you keep your friends really close.
When you feel ready, go out and enjoy the world around you. Go for lots of walks down the beach, through gardens, draw, paint, take photos, read, go on a solo road-trip. There are so many things you can do over the next few months to occupy your mind and heart and help you to see that there is more to life that this man. Remember, you ended it for a reason - you followed your heart and intuition, so don't question that. Just stay strong, have lots of girly nights and make sure you laugh.
I am here always if you want to message me and chat or if you want to get anything off your chest, or you just want me to listen to what you're going through. I can imagine how hard it would be so I really would like to help support you through this is you need it.
xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): if you still love him then ow can you be sure you made the right desicion? maybe you dont love him and your just missing what your used to? It is a hard situation but just follow your heart and do what you feel is right for you Try not to be leaded or guided by friends as only you wil know whats best for you. take care xx
...............................
|
