A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 15 years. I have had some jealousy issues with good reason because of infidelity. He plays an online game and chats with the other teammates not even knowing if their a female or male. A few weeks ago I woke up from a nap and and went to see what he was doing and he stopped typing and quickly clicked off. I began to become suspicious and looked into his game when he went to work. I know I shouldn't of done that but I had a feeling of something going on. When I looked into his game he was chatting but it was nothing in appropriate but casual talk. I had read his "get to know you" reply and in it he said who he was, his age, how many kids we have and that he was married. He also said how I felt about that game being his second wife. He has spent a lot of time on that game to the point of where he'll spend hours a day playing and the kids and I are on our own. I approached him and told him how I looked into his game and saw that he chats back and forth and that it makes me feel very uncomfortable and upset and his response was that I've stopped him from doing alot of things that he's wanted to do and he won't stop doing this. In our conversation he also said that he's lost some feeling for me and doesn't love me the way he used to. He explained that what was meant by that is that we aren't honeymooners anymore and love changes as time goes on. We have a 14, 10, and 6 year old and I have revolved the past 14 years around my kids and him. I've been a stay at home mom for the past 14 years and in September will be looking for part time work since my youngest will be in first grade and will be in school all day long. I have no clue of how to deal with this or if I'm making to much of it. Can you actually lose love for somebody over the years and can love change over the years? I do love this man and really want things to be better and want him to love me the way I love him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (10 April 2009):
Oh dear, yes you can fall out of love with someone but the good news is that you can fall IN love with them again.
Let's say your name is Sarah.
He meets you and he falls for you. You are cool and have dreams and thoughts and you click and chat all the time.
He marries you and you have kids and then over the next 15 years Sarah disappears and MUMMY takes her place. Mummy doesn't chat or want to do cool stuff, she wants him to be responsible and turn into a Daddy and talk about the kids and the house and all the practical stuff in life.
So what you need to do to get him back is to get some dreams, get Sarah back, do all the things that DON'T revolve around the house and the kids and him. Be who you used to be before the babies came and stole your life away.
He says he's not been "allowed" to do things over the years. What things? What would he like to do, just the two of you?
Your kids are old enough now that you can dump them on a grandparent for a week or two and have some time just you and him to reconnect, so he doesn't feel like the only escape from reality is strangers on the net. He knows that he has YOU to talk to after the working day is done and you don't come with a list of demands and kids, you are just Sarah, that amazing girl he first met.
Good Luck!! xx
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