A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We met online January this year, and it started off with a friendship. We shared a lot of things in common and one day he asked me if we could be something more than just friends. And I said yes, because I really like this guy and I felt like giving it a try. And who know in the next 11 months now, we become lovers. We live in two different side of the world, but we use all the communications tool to keep our relationship remain strong, all phone calls, chats, even skype with webcams. He is serious about me. He said that he wanted to marry me. I know it might sound absurd at first, because we haven't met in person. But he is willing to visit me to my country and we talk about it too. He even think about getting a new house and bring me to his country, to the United States and offer me to start looking for a job there. But then it's not like we'll just meet and then hang out for a few weeks and get married. My parents are against us. My parents have this bad perception toward western guys, they always think that guys there won't treat us right. I know it doesnt make sense, I've argued about this the whole time yet they keep telling me every single day to leave my boyfriend. But how will I leave him when I'm still in love with him? I tried to talk about it but my parents are so reluctant, none a word seems to be able to change their mind. Now that Christmas is coming near, my boyfriend told me that he got something really nice for me. Plus I just got a new job with the government that won't let me to leave my country in the next 5 years. What should I do? If break-ups is inevitable, I know we both will be the ones that torn apart. I discuss about any possibilities of my boyfriend coming to stay here for a few years but he said that is something he can't do since he has a job there and it is still uncertain how will he stay here being jobless. What should I do now? There is no easy way, no matter what I do somebody gets hurt. Thank you for any suggestion and advices. I really appreciate them.Regards.
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female
reader, josephy  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 The burden you feel that your parents put on you, is kinda the same burden you feel toward your bf coz he's sick (that's possible). Hun, you know what he tells you. You have to meet him. I really don't want you to get hurt by anyway. Be careful and don't run after your feelings only.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Aunts,
Thank you very much for seeing it the way you do. I'm 24 now. At my age, I should be able to make decisions on my own. But then again, I'm the oldest and my parents put alot of expectations in me which is sometimes feels like a burden to me. I have to do things right, I can make no mistakes, and plus, they keep telling me that I should marry one of those guys from our clan, which is something I'm against with. But it has nothing to do with me and my boyfriend, I really love him. The truth about him is, he is on a medication right now. And I wonder what would my parents do when they figure out that my boyfriend is kind of sick. They're being overprotective, that's what I feel. But I do not want to hurt them either. They keep pushing me to break up with this guy, that honestly something I can not do at the moment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): Hi, you seem to be getting desperate about the situation. Why? I imagine because nothing is happening to change the situation you are stuck in. I agree with the comment above. This man can and should come on a holiday to meet you. The relationship that you want or are imaging it to be in the long term has to start somewhere but if you haven't met in person then that has to be the first stage. It would be foolish to rush straight into a marriage from an internet relationship. I would be very worried if you were my daughter. On the plus side long distance relationships can be all the stronger because it is a very emotional relationship and the friendship side has had time to develop before getting physical which is usually the problem with other relationships which don't last because they jump straight into bed and once the sex has slowed down realise that actually they don't really have much at all.
I do question your age? I wish my daughter was as concerned for her parents! Anyway no matter what your age please don't go against your parents, they are only trying to protect you and will be very, very hurt if you do things behind their back. If you continue this relationship against their wishes at least be honest enough to tell them and talk (not shout) through your feelings. It is very natural for them to be negative about any guy who is interested in their daughter let alone one they haven't met. My daughter has dated two chaps that we loved and a couple that we hated! I am a mother of three daughters and worry about their tendency to jump straight into things and also build castles in the sky. If you want this relationship to continue then it will depend on the commitment from both of you. If this man works then he can start to save money to be able to visit. If your parents don't approve then i am sure they will compromise as long as you are open with them let them have some control. If they know that you are being realistic less dreamy they are likely to listen. If you suggest that you know he may not be the one that maybe it is all fantasy you have taken on board their concerns but on the other hand you would like to meet him in person, you would like them to meet him too and agree to take things slowly (as in don't rush into physical relationship just cos he is on holiday) i'm sure they would be happier about it. I know as a parent I would. Your boyfriend should also help here if he is serious about you then maybe he should contact your parents. He could write a letter saying he is aware of how they feel and promise that he won't do anything against their wishes and only wants to earn their respect and would love the opportunity to meet you with them too if that is what they would want.
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A
female
reader, josephy +, writes (20 December 2010):
Dear, Please don't build castles in the air. I do know what I'm talking about, I've been through that once and still injured from that. Let him comes to your place first (he can take a holiday won't harm him), meet in person, spend time together, and then after that you could build whatever you want.
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