| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm writing this question, I need some opnions about what would of been the proper thing to do. At the time when I met this youngman, I was 39, he was 20, pretty big age differance I know, I was not looking for a serious relationship, nor was he, we agreed on a friends with benefits relationship. Time passed and I had got to know him better as he did I, as time past, he began calling me " a lot ", texting me, emailing me, ( a lot ) he would call me twice to three times a day, we would just talk about general things, I began to grow quite fond of this youngman, as a matter of fact I got attached, but knew in the beginning that this would never work out in the long run due to his age and mine. More time passed and he was aware about how much I liked him, yet he continued on contacting me and it went ok. We were never in an exclusive realationship, I dated he dated other people. We would actually discuss our dates, but that was in the beginning. I alway felt that since I'm older i didnt have the right to ask him not to see other women, so I never did. I did ask him though if he would stop telling me these things as I dont want to hear it, and I could see in his face whenever I mentioned another guy he didnt like hearing about it, and always talked bad about the other guys I saw. and he didnt even know them. So I decided not to talk about other men with him, and he agreed to not tell me about other women. Time passes, he continues to keep contacting me ( a lot )Thing were fine, then one day he started talking about another woman he had been seeing, I didnt say anything about it, but was jelous, and it hurt to listen, still believeing that I didnt have the right to say anything I just let it roll off my back. He knew very well by this time I was attached to him. Time passes, things are fine, he then again mentions other women, this time I cant stand it anymore, i flat out told him how i felt about him, and that we should end this. he seemed upset and told me that it was a friends with benefits relationship, that I shouldnt have these feelings for him, ( kinda hard when he's contacting me all the time ) A few days later after thinking about it he said that we shouldnt see eachother anymore, face to face, but asked if we could still be friends. That was a tuff choice for me, I thought I'd give it a go, only because I thought he did care for me. Time passes, we stay incontact, more like he contacted me again ( a lot ) things didnt turn out so well, I still was attached and he stared behaveing like he never was attached, claimming he never was, and that I should of know better. Needless to say all we ever did was argue over who was right and what we should of done in the beginning. I feel like i should of never tried this type of relationship, he said he didnt do anything wrong as it was all my fault. Please someone give me an opnion on what you think was wrong and whos responsability it was to end it. I think he was lieing about not being attached by the way. thanks to all who answer
View related questions:
friend with benefits, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for your opinions, this " thing " ended last week. Come to find out that he thought of this as a game, and I was his toy to abuse and manipulate as he pleased. I still don't really understand why he called me all the time, emailed me etc, the highs were very high and the lows were devastating, I would brush off the lows thinking that he was jokeing, ( he claimed to be jokeing ) then come off as Mr. nice guy. He never said sorry for anything he did wrong, he got very insulting and rude, then the next day it would be like nothing happened. I hope he is gone for good...as for me... I'm in the process of building up my self esteme. thanks again for your thoughts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006): You both want different things. It is difficult to maintain a "friends with benefit" relationship for a very long time without one or the other of you developing deeper feelings. I don't suppose he DID like hearing about other men you dated, and you didn't like hearing about other women. Natural if you were sleeping with him.
You did develop stronger feelings for him but he evidently did not feel like taking your relationship deeper. That's the bottom line.
Then again, its a big age difference.
And now, you're both arguing all the time. I too think this has run its course, and you'd be better off ending it once and for all.
I agree with what the other poster has written.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006): More than fixing responsibility it is more important to know what sort of relationship this really is. 'Friends with benefits'. It does not have committment or depth and sooner or later we all want that. Though after spending so many years together people become habits to each other and they find it hard to not contact each other but actually do not want more.
You may want to break this habit and if you want more out of a relationship with a man maybe seek that man now. Its never too late. But perhaps this is not that man. I think you want a stable committed relationship now and give yourself a chance by breaking this up!! I do hope you'll find evry happiness that you want in your life.
...............................
|
