A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:How do I cope? I recently lost my virginity to a guy I barely knew and i regret it so much.i don't feel innocent anymore. And the worst part of it is i lost to the wrong guy,i always assumed i would lose it to someone i loved so much and it would be beautiful but it didn't happen that way.i didnt know this guy too well and we weren't dating when this happened,but now he wants to be in a relationship with me but i really don't like him that much.what do I do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 November 2017):
 Honestly we all make mistakes there is no reason for you to feel bad at all. Although I do think that you should be honest with him and tell him you are not interested in a relationship because it sounds to me like he is looking for one so break it to him gently. Loosing your virginity does not define you as a person. Once you meet someone who you love and want to have sex with then it will be different and it will be special because there will be love involved and not just sex. So believe me when I say you will find that some day and it will just be as special.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 November 2017):
 Ok, first off, you didnt lose anything. You gained an experience. Keep reminding yourself of this. "virginity" is a made up concept designed to control female sexuality. Do yourself the favour of not defining yourself by terminology designed to limit your sexuality.
You didnt lose anything. You simply had a bad experience. It doesnt label you or define who you are.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 November 2017):
 Here is the thing, OP
YOU made a choice. It was a mistake. IT happens to everyone. We all make mistakes. YOURS was to sleep with a guy for your first time whom you didn't really know or care for. It could have been worse. Right?
Regrets are pointless to keep in your head. What is done is done. All you CAN do now is LEARN from this.
NEXT time you meet a guy who offers sex, ask for sex or suggest sex and HE is NOT someone you know or like - say NO, thanks. And when you at some point DO meet a guy that you get to know, feel strongly about, who wants to BE with you (not just have sex with you) BUILD a relationship FIRST - then ADD sex. Wait to have sex until YOU are SURE this is the guy you want to DO it with. If he is the RIGHT guy for you, he won't pressure you. He will have patience and wait for you to be ready.
And IF he doesn't WANT to wait? Or if he pressures you for sex? Let him go and try another guy.
It's OK to say, I regret doing this or that. You just have to remember that you CAN NOT change what you did or said. It's in the past. You are in the now.
And chin up. 80% of women regret their first time. And 50% of guys. Just wanted to put that out there - even if it is useless facts :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2017): This was my post just last month covering something you are currently going through - might help you to read it x____________________________________________Several ago years I wrote for help on this page about stupidly losing my virginity to a one night stand and how I was not sure how emotionally to deal with that fact in the aftermath of being so, for want of a better word, dumb. I wanted to say to anyone out there that has made similar choices or considering it, that you do learn to live with it and it gets easier. I didn't suddenly become "Ms Slut" sleeping with anyone and everyone either, it took time for me to deal with what happened and it took even more time to lose my other firsts to someone I actually trusted. I needed time but not years of therapy lol. That you learn that being messed up in one moment is okay, it does not define you or ruin you. I think I accepted my virginity once I lost it, which is a shame but hindsight is a funny thing. Thank you cupids for being there for me in my time of need.
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A
female
reader, kinggabbieee +, writes (20 November 2017):
This happened to me when 6 years ago (I was 15). I wanted to lose my virginity so badly because all my friends were and ended up having sex with a guy I barely knew and barely liked. I knew immediately that it was a mistake and I didnt have sex again for 4 years! Now, you dont have to be as dramatic as me haha. But I just want to say I can relate. Not being a virgin doesn't make you a bad person, just take something from this as a lesson so the next time you do decide to have sex, weather that be 6 months from now or 6 years from now, your doing it because you truly want to with the person your choosing.Its also important to remember that sex is more than just the physical, especially when you first do it. It comes with alot of emotional feelings, including guilt and regret, so take into account how he may be feeling and let him down easy. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (20 November 2017):
 Apologise and say it was a mistake, that you aren't interested in a relationship.
Not being a virgin doesn't mean you're "bad"; it just means you made a silly decision. Learn from it and wait for a relationship next time.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (20 November 2017):
 Look, you're VERY young and you made a mistake.. MOST people that lose their virginity REGRET how and with whom it happened..
Take a positive out of this! You now know that sex without love ISN'T for you, that you will say NO to promiscuity, and if someone in ANY way ever pressures you for sex, REMEMBER that feeling you're having now- how that sense of violation lingers. You can't undo your actions, but you learn how to NOT make the same mistake again..
If you're old enough to have sex you're old enough to make your own decisions. And you DON'T want this guy.. so be HONEST BUT ALSO be tactful- talk to him honestly and gently how you would want to be let down i.e "I was out of my depth and wasn't sure what i wanted etc." any decent guy will understand
Plenty of adults regret sleeping with someone! You are not in the wrong, you just made a mistake and the WRONG thing to do here would be to lead him on and make him think you WANT a relationship.. only a month, two down the line to dump him..
Start listening to what your mind and body tells you because that's called self- preservation. You will be a lot safer in life if you use common sense.
Take care!
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