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I've never cheated but my husband is accusing me off it because he says I am "loose"

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 November 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 22 November 2017)
A female Nigeria age 30-35, *iza writes:

am a young woman of 25yrs I have two children all through c section,av never slept with any other man for the past six years.my spouse is accusing me of cheating because my vagaina is loose he had started an affair outside..am shattered what can be the cause and how to I treat it fast..thank you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2017):

Their are specific exercises that you can do in the gym, talk to a personal trainer versed in these matters..also kegel exercises will help tighten things up...you MUST do them 5 times every day though, for 5 minutes each set...things like this can help your self esteem and possibly save your marriage..GOOD LUCK

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (22 November 2017):

femmenoir agony auntYour husband is very abusive and is using this pitiful "excuse", as HIS EXCUSE to behave abusively and sleazily toward you.

He is a horrible person and i can assure you that your vagina is not loose, as HE CLAIMS IT TO BE.

A woman's vagina is a highly elastic and very strong muscular organ and for the most part, UNLESS you've had major issues during childbirth, or UNLESS you've had a uterine prolapse and (regardless of age), most women's vagina's do return to pre-childbirth size.

You can imagine the vagina being somewhat like an elastic.

It will stretch to it's maximum output during labour and birth, however, thereafter it almost always springs right back to how it was before, EVEN if it may take a bit more time for some.

Even if you were loose, i doubt you'd be so loose that you and your husband wouldn't be able to maintain an enjoyable sex life.

This isn't about your vagina though, but it's about your husband no longer being "committed" to you, hence his playing around with other women and getting away with it.

Do not fall for your husband's pathetic excuse and for the sake of you and your children, you should leave your husband before things escalate out of control.

You don't know what he's truly capable of, nor what he may do to your or your 2 children if he's pushed hard enough.

He doesn't respect you, because a man who respects his wife, would NEVER do what your husband is doing and to add, LYING TO YOUR FACE and ACCUSING HIS INNOCENT WIFE OF BEING THE CULPRIT.

Shame on him!!

A man who truly loves his wife, would STILL LOVE, CHERISH, RESPECT and HONOUR his wife, regardless of the state of her vagina.

After all, you have given him 2 beautiful children and what a gift that is.

If you cannot confront your husband for fear of being physically abused or worse, then you should definitely get out while you still can.

Can you go to a relative's or friend's house?

Do you still have your parents?

Please try not to worry about what your husband said and about his behaviour.

You are worthy of so much more than this low life man.

Just focus, right now, on protecting YOU and YOUR CHILDREN.

All the best!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2017):

this is a well known tactic of abusive men. It is a way of them making sure you don't cheat, (because who would have sex with someone if they thought they were defective). It is a way of him making sure you don't do the same as he has done. I can guarantee there is nothing wrong with you. My abusive ex did said the same thing to me, but guess what? I'm with someone new now and he has assured me there is nothing wrong with me. Please don't believe him. You don't need fixing in any way shape or form.

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2017):

02DuszJ agony auntNot calling you dumb, btw but that's how HE sees you, you'll blindly accept his crap

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2017):

02DuszJ agony auntYou're being cheated on and emotionally and psychologically ABUSED. Look into divorce and child support. Your husband is a piece of shit and should NOT be around to INFLUENCE your children.

Be strong, find a women's shelter because my betting? He's not going to take kindly to you leaving- he doesn't want to lose his plaything, his psychological punching bag (YOU) his chores, cooking, cleaning done for him by his dumb blindly faithful wife.. my betting is that you COULD end up his psychical punching bag.

Please get out, for you and your children, please

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2017):

He's blaming you for his cheating to alleviate his guilt and self loathing. And to justify his actions. You cannot ever justify cheating under any circumstances.

It's easier to wrongfully place the blame on another than face the fact that you are a shitty human being and piece of shit.

Leave the arrogant, cruel and narcissistic SOB. You will be much better off and so will your kids.

Throw him out like the trash that he is.

There is nothing wrong with you or your vagina but there is everything wrong with him!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2017):

Understand one thing. He is saying this to you to justify having an affair. I very much doubt you are loose, but even if you are, if you had a loving husband, he would be supportive and loving towards you.

Many, many men accuse their partners of cheating to cover the fact that they are having an affair themselves. It is a very well known tactic.

He has insulted you, rejected you and accused you of something you haven't done. All the time he's been having sex with someone else.

He is abusive and unfaithful. If you don't understand about abuse then please read the book 'Why Does He Do That' by Professor Lundy Bancroft. He is a man who worked very closely with abusive men for fifteen years as an eminent psychiatrist. Whilst doing so he learnt all about the tactics that abusive men use.

What your spouse has been doing to you is one of these tactics. Making you feel as if it's all your fault that he's being unfaithful. Making you feel bad about yourself. He's succeeding too isn't he? You sound desperate to change yourself to please him even though there is nothing wrong with you and he's the one who needs to change. If you have had c sections then you are not loose anyway.

He won't change by the way. You can't make him into a loving, decent spouse when he isn't.

Please read the book. It will inform you about why your husband is behaving this way far better than I can.

There's nothing wrong with you. You don't need to be fixed. You need to understand about abuse. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2017):

He is only blaming you to justify cheating on you. Stop and think about this. The man is married with two children; and having an outside affair? Trust me, it's not about your vagina. He's making it your fault that HE'S cheating on YOU!

Don't be naive! He's using aggression and intimidation to force you into submission and to make you feel helpless. He knows you're not cheating, he's only accusing you so you can't do anything about HIS cheating.

Tightening your vagina will not bring your cheating husband home. He has accused the mother of his children of infidelity! He's characterizing you as a cheating spouse and an unfit mother!

I think you need to see a divorce attorney, and get your legal ducks in a row for child-support. I think your husband is done with you and married-life. With two small children, when and where is your time to fool around?

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A female reader, Banksia Australia +, writes (20 November 2017):

Banksia agony auntThe cause is, he is a cheating pile of sh*t. A vagina is the size it is from when you grow up to when you are older for menopause. You had c-sections so the short term (3mths approx) effects are not even an issue.

TL:DR - it's an excuse. You have nothing to treat! He's lying and blaming you for his cheating.

If you stay, he will keep doing it. Not healthy for kids to see.

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