A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys i have been married since 2007 we have a 3 yr old girl.When i met him i was so in love but then came him being outside all day with the guys.We lost the relationship we had He never has interest in finding a job to support us.It's basically my daughter and I. Our girl adores him but i think its time for me to go.At the begining he couldn't stop being around me and now its like he can't endure being around me. This has been going on for the last 3 yrs but he say he loves me..I had a baby in feb but in mar we lost him to sids.Till this day he hasn't talked about losing the baby. He just wants sex.He has never been here to support me nor grieve with me I'm always here. The pain is still here.He' alway fighting with me and tellin me how worthless i am it has always been this way but for him to not have any empathy i feel that i should let him go but i dont know how ?He doesnt believe in therapy what should i do i lost my son and its hurting me this marriage makin my grièving worst please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fireball  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 You need grief counselling. He's probably grieving too in his 'cave man' way. Remember, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
However, I am also concerned with his lack of respect/support towards you - - - telling you "you're worthless..."
Give him ultimatum - and hold him to it. Counselling, or else (you leave!)
If he truly thinks enough of you, he'll cooperate and 'man up'....If he doesn't, well you can't allow him to drag you down any further. Cut your losses, in other words and bring your other child into a more positive atmosphere (without his garbage)
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (13 October 2012):
 First and foremost, please accept my condolences for the loss of your child. I can only imagine the pain and hurt you have gone through.
I suspect there is a lot more going on in your relationship than what you post here. You talk about him saying he loves you, yet he treats you poorly and how hasn't quite matured. He isn't there to support you or the family and seems more interested in smoking dope or having sex all the time.
Also everyone grieves in their own way. It would appear that he masks his pain and hurt with pot. Indulging in drugs too often or for too long will blunt anyone's feelings in regards to themselves and others. So I wouldn't count on your husband's support.
You don't paint a very positive picture of your relationship.
At this point, if you still value your relationship, I would highly recommend you seek counseling. If your husband doesn't want to attend with you, I would still recommend YOU go alone. I suspect your husband doesn't believe in therapy because he knows he is going to be called to stand for his actions.
However, I think a trained therapist can help you sort out what is going on and either give you the tools to help deal with your husband or give you the strength to seek the rest of your life on your own. Failing that, I hope you take stock of your life and ask yourself whether your husband has the potential to change and if you are willing to risk perhaps the best years of your life with this man.
Ultimately, you need to take some sort of action. If you continue taking this relationship "as it stands" it will not get better and probably get worse. Take some sort of positive action today.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 You both need grief counseling to get past this enormous tragedy. Your husband is dealing with it the way men deal with alot of their issues, by having meaningless sex. Luckily it's with you and not some total stranger. But it's not healthy for him to clam up and avoid the death of his son. Seek out whatever services may be offered in your area. Many are free when offered through reputible Christian churches and some free health clinics can put you in touch with a sliding-fee counseling company. It will do you both a world of good. Schedule the appt and then tell him he has to go with you. It's time you both dealt with this very sad chapter and became stronger as a result. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks i know hes to busy smokin weed all day and forgets that he has a family he cant even spend one hour with us unless hes playin ps3 and i do love him and im cryin as im writing cause its been alot of yrs but my daugher needs a stable mom a happy one i have goals im in therapy i want the best for her and i know her brother wants that 2..he has no goals he wakes up and all he wants is weed and his hommies he has no expectations for the future.. it just hurts we have a girlt and he thinks that a kiss and i love u is enough for her i just dont want her to hurt and the inlaws say im selfish there always sayin even if u guys are not happy the child is happy she doesnt understand whats goin on shès gonna suffer and its gonna be ur fault. :"(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): I think that you should get some grief counseling on your own. That a devastating event in your life and you need to grieve and learn healthy ways to pick up the pieces to your life. If you feel the need to leave your husband then from the looks of it you really need to. You can't make him do anything. You can only control you. You already have enough sadness. The last thing you need is to be supporting a grown man that is not at least trying to provide for you and your daughter. Go seek out help on your own so that you can begin to heal. You already have enough pain and heartache. I wish you well on your future journey.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 Yes, I think it is time to leave, if you have means to support yourself. I cannot believe that a father can be so callous about the death of his own baby. To top it all off, he is ruining your self-esteem. I would have suggested therapy but since he has refused, I think living longer with this thoroughly selfish man will only cause more pain to you.
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