A
female
age
,
*fmortgages
writes:Dear Cupid,I am going through a difficult time with my boyfriend of 13 years. Essentially, he bullies me about money. He took me off of the joint account we had 4 years ago and it has been nothing but trouble since. We have bills together and when I pay them online and forget to tell him about them (on occasion), he freaks. Now, he has formed a relationship with the bank manager, and when I say relationship, I believe he is on the brink of having an affair with her. I found out that they have known each other for a few years. She knows about me and calls him everyday to tell him about the account activity, has had lunch with him, and has given him gifts and cards that I have found. He tells her about our relationship troubles, and I believe she is waiting in the wings for him to leave me and be with her. She is 60, I am 46, and he is 50. We are too old to be playing these games.My question is, should I go to the bank and speak to this woman's supervisor about all of this? I am doing nothing wrong, and I still give him all my money. I have told him that I want my own account, and he says no, and I don't want to sneak around and get one. I feel extremely hopeless. I feel taken advantage of, like legally, I feel that my boyfriend and this woman should not be able to do this to me. He follows her direction, as he was never like this before. As a final note, and because of all of this, I did have a nervous breakdown and I am under psychiatric care and have now been on medication for about a month which is helping me to organize my thoughts better. I feel that since my boyfriend knows that I have some emotional issues, that he is exploiting me and so is this bank woman. I really can't stand it anymore and I want to leave, but I have no money to leave! I also have two sons and pets and I am not mentally strong enough yet for the fight that will ensue when I want to leave! ANY advice that can be given for this complicated situation would be so appreciated. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): I can relate to your dilema. Been there, this might not be the answer you looking for, but it is the ONLY Answer.
Take responibility for your life now. YOU have allowed this to happen, YOU have chosen to be in a relationship where you have no power. You have created your life, stop blaming your boyfriend, he's done nothing to you that you haven't allowed. Take a good look at your life, are you happy? Do you think your boyfriend can make you happy? NO, only you can do that, take back control of your life. You are responsible for yourself and your sons. Period. I know this sounds harsh, but it comes from love, it is the only way.
A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 I would Let him know how i REALLY feel about this and Ask him what he feels and why he is going through all this change ask him some questions you feel you need to ask and kind of feel your way about . Sometimes just by watching someone as you talk to them and as they give their reply you will be able to tell what they are thinking sort of ...Anyways If his relationship is closer then the banker then you you might want to take a second look at your relationship..Is it that yall was messing up the account or what? cause that can cause problems but I think even if that is true this bank woman is kind of overstepping her boundaries..
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