A
male
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*elboy1681
writes:I have been with my partner for the last 2 years and we both are having problems but we are trying to sort thing out and at present we both seem to be making a good go of it. We have a 1 year old son between us and my partner has a 2 and a half year old from another relationship (which is in the process of going through the courts because his biological father wants access to see him but he is mentally unstable and because of this he must see the child in a contact centre until he can prove that he is not a risk to himself or others and also the child will not go and see him.) but the child in question knows me as his dad and I think of him as my own son and treat him no different to my own wee boy.A couple of months ago the situation all came to a head and my partner and I just couldn't cope any more so we decided to call it a day so my partner told her father and his g/friend all that was going on and that we we're over but it wasn't what we both wanted and when she told her father this he told her that he wouldn't have any more to do with her. A day later he came barging into our house and threatened to kill me (I’m not the first person he has done this to) and I told him that I love his daughter that much that I was prepared to give her and my kids up so that she wouldn't lose her father (my partner's mother died 2 1/2 years ago) and his words were that I should have f****** stayed away and never came back and he then said that she was much happier when I wasn't in her life. Then while I was waiting for my father to come and get me his g/friend came to obviously see the damage he had done and when she saw that no blood had been spilled she had a go at me.Since I returned my partner father has been changing his story about what he said to her about not wanting anything to do with her or me, he won’t be in my presence one minute then in the next breathe he will he now sits back and lets his g/friend threaten my partner by saying that she is a bad mother and if I don’t get out of her or the kids life she will go to social services to get the children taken away from us because apparently I am a lose cannon and I hurt the kids (She has been given advice on this) my partner has told her that because she is attending court and the problems we are having with him we have had health visitors come in all year and they say the same thing all the time that our children are well looked after, happy and well adjusted boys but according to my partners girlfriend none of this matters and at every turn she threatens my partner.At the moment I have left because her father doesn't want me in his house and because of this the four of us planned to spend the holidays with my parents and my partners father has told her that he is not happy about this because he never gets to see his grandsons at any special times but he always get asked but his answer is always no and when you tell him this he turns on my partner and tells her that it is lies he was asked to come and see the kids on Christmas morning in our house but he wont set foot in if I am there but he must have them at his and his girlfriends.He has said that doesn’t want to split up a family at Christmas but he is willing to let his daughter do it.I love my partner to death but I am ill at the moment and I can't live my life in fear of what he is going to do to me or what his partner will do so I have left and I feel as if my heart has been ripped out and this is all my fault I want to go home so much but I feel as if I cant for the sack of my partner and our wee boys who I don’t think her father or his g/friend are thinking about.When my girlfriend asked her father why he is trying to split us up he told her that he wasn’t he was only doing it because he loves her and his grandsons but from what I can see he doesn’t care about anyone but himself because he is going to rip apart a family and I cant bare to lose the three people who mean everything to me.I know my partner is going to have to make a choice but I just don’t know what to do any more?
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female
reader, lucy_f_29 +, writes (18 December 2008):
Hi there,
I'm new to this site so I hope you dont mind me answering your problem.
I'll keep it short and sweet. I dont see a future for you and your so called girlfriend. I think you seem like a lovely genuine guy and you deserve better.
I understand what you are saying about her son but really he isnt yours. Your only obligation is to your own son. Hopefully if you do go your separate ways you will continue to see him. But then that is for the two of you to discuss.
I know that if it was me in your position I would just pack up and leave. You mentioned that you are unwell. Is this really what you need right now? Who knows maybe there is a future for you and this girl but it wont happen right now. I think at this moment in time you need to concentrate on yourself and then deal with all the other issues.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
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