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female
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*elfsurgery
writes: i need some support. or advice.i began dating my first boyfriend 3 years ago, almost exactly. i'm now almost 20 and he just turned 22. he's cheated, lied, hid things, blah blah in the past. he hasn't changed and i know he won't. he's very insensitive and a bad communicator. i can tell he has a good heart, or something like that. he's not very coniving, and he's not too bright. i don't want to believe it, but i think i need to move on.i don't want to be stuck in this years later, knowing i shouldn't be with him and it being harder to leave because of the time and effort that we both have put into this.but i'm already feeling such a great loss. i have tinged my life with depression and anorexic tendencies, among other things. i have so much self-hate, and all of that, although i've never received much compassion from anyone. i'm afraid of what my life will come to if i'm on my own.i've never clicked with anyone, even as friends. i poured all my love and support into this one human being, who doesn't deserve it anymore. i don't know what i'd do on my own. i feel i'm going through a rough time in college now, and nothing seems very stable or secure in my life.i'm going to be alone. i can't meet people and i'm afraid of the sadness i'm going to feel.i don't want to feel that anymore, but i don't want to feel betrayed either. i know it sounds like i'm clinging to him only for protection, but i still love him so much, and that makes it hard to leave.. i've never imagined how much pain this is.i was planning to become a doctor but i'm not sure how that's going to work out with my bad grades. we live together... actually moved across the state together so i could go to this school, and i don't know what to do anymore. i'm being taken for granted, but i'm lost ...
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (22 October 2006):
 You can't stay with him in a situation like that, you need to break free and work on yourself, I know it can be hard meeting new people and laying everything you have on one person and one situation I did it myself and when it came to an end I wasn't just sad for the end of the relationship but also for the loneliness I was heading for.
You need to spend some time just being you take up some hobbies something you have always been interested in try doing it now while you have the time to give to it.
Good luck :o)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): I like the first post here, and the best way out of a problem like this is to behave your way out of it one step at a time...First get away from the man, next set up a study schedule for yourself and find others who share your goal and start a study group. Find a school counseler that you can meet with once a week to stay on track and these things will make you feel more connected. Also, do you have a hobby or a special interest that you could devote an hour a week to? It is a great way to find others with common interests and you can connect over that. Also, it will relieve some stress from studying...You are probably brighter than a lot of people you meet otherwise you would not have aspirations to become a doctor, others may not click with you because they don't get you, but that doesn't mean you can't try to connect with them at their level, get outside of yourself, get over yourself, and try to take an interest in other people and listen to them. You have to be a friend to have a friend. Every one can connect over play, or movies or silly things or funny things that happened or hair or makeup or boys....just try talking about light subjects, laugh a little don't be so depressed, and others will respond to a less depressed you. If you think you may be depressed, then as they say, doctor heal thy self...go talk to someone about it and get medicine or talk therapy and it will change things for the better. You can do this, tell yourself that you can and you will....Hang a picture on your fridge of something you want to achieve or why you want to be a doctor, and look at every day to remind yourself what you are working towards....you have a goal and that is more than half the battle in life.
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