A
male
age
36-40,
*3ConfusedOne23
writes:Ok this is a very weird, confusing and difficult situation so bare with me. I've never been in love before. I(23) met a girl(24) this summer in July when she walked into my job. She came in with her "boyfriend"(20) and all three of us were talking. I thought both of them were really cool but especially the girl who i connected with on a different level which i couldn't explain. I thought they were very lucky to have found eachother and be in love because it's rare now days and i didn't think further of it. They came in a few more times and we'd talk again just like the way we did before. For about a month, a month and a half they disapeared and i didn't see them at all. One they they showed up again. She asked me for my Myspace address so we could chat there and so we did. One day they were at my job again, it was pretty late so we decided that after i am done with work we'd go to McDonalds and have some McFlurries. This was around 8pm-ish. We hung out until 2-3am. We did the same thing a couple of more times. As we got to know eachoher more and more I started having feelings for her becuase she's an amazing person but I promised my self that i wouldn't act on it because I was happy just being friends with them(especially her). Her and I are almost alike in every way possible as if we knew each other since forever which her "boyfriend" was not too fond of. I didn't want to ruin things for them and between us. After that they had to go up to New York for some reason so We exchanged phone numbers so i could keep in touch. We would text eachother houndreds of times each day. She told me that they had to go to New York becuase at the time they disappeared, her "boyfrined" and her crossed the border to Canada and he wasn't legal so he was arrested and now he has to go to court up there. So in order to not let them deport her "boyfriend" her parents and his parents pressured her to marry him, so she did. She didn't want to and said she was miserable whe she got married. She also told me that her relationship wasn't good for at least 6 months now. When they were about to come back from New York she told me that she had to stay behind an extra day and her "husband" come home earlier. That night we texted a lot again and she admited that she liked me alot(which i figured but didn't want to act on it). So i told her that i shouldn't really tell her this but i have feelings for her too. I thought it would mess things up between us but it just brought us closer. Pretty soon it was me and her hanging out by our selves. I am really against ruining relationships so i promised my self i would not kiss her or anything of that sort. Months went by and one day it was too much to handle and i kissed her but didn't go any further. Our feelings have grown alot more for eachother and fell in love. She told me that she never had feelings this strong for anyone not even her husband. Later She told me for two times now her husband layed his hands on her, in the way of pushing her into a closet because they had an argument and after that i just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. I maintained my composure as much as i could and took care of her for a few days because he left her for 5 days without any money or food. One day we were alone at night and we made love to each other and since then we can't go a day without each other. I am just wondering What would be the right thing to do for everyone. She says that she only loves him as a friend now and can't even kiss him let alone make love to her, however she's still not breaking it up with him which i found odd. Should she leave him, should her and I break it off or what? I don't have the slightest idea and every day gets harder and harder. Thanks.
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male
reader, 23ConfusedOne23 +, writes (20 February 2009):
23ConfusedOne23 is verified as being by the original poster of the question The problem is that he's a pretty cool guy but she said that he's not what he made him self out to be in the beginning and never pays too much attention to her.
Thank you for your answers!
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 She should leave him, not just because she is cheating on him but because you describe him as being violent. The problem here is women in violent relationships find it very hard to leave their partners. Also if thier parents pushed them in to marriage then I'm sure they'd have something to say about divorce.
You need to really talk about all these issues with her and find out where she sees your relationship, and her marriage.
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