A
female
age
36-40,
*ueannstep
writes:I feel so lost. My boyfriend and I have almost been together for four years now and I have been in and out of depression for the last year. Last year, around this time I confronted him about why he was having reservations about marriage. When he finally answered me, he said it was because "he liked big breasts". I am a small chested woman, and I was so shocked and disgusted by his response, that I left that night. He pleaded with me the next morning to not leave him for good and that he was just really confused. I agreed that we should take time apart. In that time, I was miserable. I felt so dejected and scared. I was really suspicious and I couldn't eat or sleep, toward the end I had an anxiety attack and my boss took me to the emergency room. This lasted for ten days, and all the while,he assured me that it wasn't other women that he wanted. When he came back he told me that, without a doubt it was me that he wanted and that he was just confused when he said what he did about big breasts. We had a good day together the next day, but I was still feeling confused about what he had said and wondering what he had done in our time apart. The next morning, he left his phone on the bed while showering and I went through it. I found that he had been talking to another girl. I confronted him about it and he told me that nothing had happened and that he wasn't talking to her anymore. She was a friend of a friend, who I had met a few times before. Anyhow, it turns out that he had gone out with this girl several times and once before we even took time apart. In trying to explain his actions he said things like he "had always been interested in her" and "wanted to get to know her". I believe him when he says he didn't sleep with her... but I don't know about the rest. This is a girl that has much larger breasts than I, and I can't stop feeling inadequate in that way. He did cut off all contact with her and since has seemingly done everything in his power to reassure me. I know where he is all the time, and he has even gotten rid of his phone, without my asking. I feel horrible for not being able to forgive him and get over this and I think he feels like I am not trying or if i were to leave him it would be because I didn't love him enough. In trying to deal with this, I have made many mistakes, I have looked for comfort in exes, and rekindled and old flirtation, which really hurt my boyfriend (though I was never received any physical affection from anyone). I am afraid if I leave, it will be a huge mistake and I will miss him terribly, but on the other hand I feel like I have lost control of my emotions and I cry almost every single day. I feel like he fantasizes about this ideal woman, that I will never live up to. The thought of leaving him scares me, from the idea of him with someone new, to the thought of having to go back to my parents, and having to deal with feeling like I lost the love of my life. I just want to feel normal again. I hate feeling so sad and insecure all the time. I hate going over and over in my mind "how could he?" I don't want to paint the picture that he is bad to me now. Ever since this happened, he has been very loving and careful with me. He holds me and tells me how much he loves and scarcely does anything if he thinks it will upset me. Though, I haven't asked him to at all, he doesn't even see one of his friends that I felt was on of the agitators in this whole mess. I really do love him... but what do I do?
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breasts, flirt, insecure, move on, my boss Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sueannstep +, writes (12 April 2009):
sueannstep is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you to all who have replied. It really helps to get out of my own head.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): First and foremost, I will let you know that as a guy your build as you describe yourself is very desireable and you have absolutely nothing to worry about there.
I think the biggest thing I heard (that is good) is that your boyfriend is being accountable and truly trying to make amends. The irony is maybe he thinks he likes woman with bigger (...) b/c of a picture he painted in his head - and the cruel twist for him (is assuming he lost you); he may find that it is your body type that was truly what he liked... That is just a kind of side thought b/c I know my belief on what I thought was "my type" has changed over the years --- and the end result is what I like --- is an attractive woman (that being a woman I am attracted to) be it she short, tall, blonde hair, brown hair, white, black or otherwise. He is ATTRACTED TO YOU and you must feel and know that b/c you have not mentioned anything about the sex life being bad.
I would give him another chance (we are all human)... I truly say good luck to you and hang in there. Love, trust feel good but the thought of losing either hurt so much (but either way) it all works out as it should!!!
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A
female
reader, ErinPatterson +, writes (11 April 2009):
 My god..at least he is being caring of your feelings that you were upset so he is going out of his way to make you feel comfortable and to trust him. I would be upset about the phone thing and the girl myself..but if you guys where apart at the time..think of it this way..I mean big breasts do you honestly think they only reason a guy would fancy a girl is her breasts? seriously I would not want a guy like that. Are you sure he was not kidding when he said that..after being with someone for a while I mean breasts really dont matter..should go a bit deeper than that. I would give it some time and try not to let him have such an effect on your own confidence level. Instead of rekindling old flirts..go join something that you enjoy..find other woman that you can interact with that probably have gone thru the same thing you have. make a girls night out or even just get out of the house for a bit on your own..try to have your own identity outside of him and what he sais and thinks..get a lil bit stronger I think would be a best bet..we all have gotten our feelings hurt by our boyfriends at some point believe me..mine used to say..your just a tall girl..and it drove me nuts because he knew I was sensative about being 5'9 and then I realized how short he was..and he hated it..so sometimes they just do things to make ya confidence shake..sneaky..they are..sometimes just dumb..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Don't make any hasty decisions one way or another. Give the relationship more time. You're still young. Plenty of time to think of marriage when much time has passed. For now, try to rekindle your love for one another and avoid making hasty decisions on any front.
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