A
female
age
30-35,
*elpishereandnear
writes:Dear cupid,I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant and finished working in the week as my shifts have been cut down. My husband works full time, so we'll still be okay for money. (Just filling you in on my situation). I have recently realized that I have lost quite a lot of friends during this pregnancy and I am now down to friends that I can count on my hand. What makes me so upset is those friends that you can count on your hand are supposed to be the ones you can trust with everything, but they're not. They're never their when I need to talk and They'd never drop what they're doing or even make plans to see me over someone else. I don't have any close friends. I had an argument with my closest friend at the start of my pregnancy due to me finding out she'd told my sister she wanted my husband out of the picture! Ofcourse I got very mad and I trusted her with my life before this, and I never assumed that she would talk behind my back. Now I can't trust her and do not feel as close. So I have my husband and that is it. All of my other friends have let me down and I don't know what to do. I feel so bored all the time and I have no 'girlfriends' to pour everything out to. I don't know how it's possible to just go out and make new friends as I don't have the money to join any groups etc?
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female
reader, helpishereandnear +, writes (10 July 2013):
helpishereandnear is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy husband is the kindest man I have ever known. The reason they wanted him out of the picture was because I couldn't run to their every need. And thank you for using so much of your time to write that out. However, from what I asked, I think you may have misunderstood. The 'friends' I had turned out to not be 'friends'. I didn't lose them because of something I did, and It's not like I hid myself with my husband and didn't contact them for months because he works long hours and I am always available for them. One of my friends got into alcohol and drugs and now refuses to see her old friends, due to them being 'boring'.Another friend just stopped contacting me, and whenever I put in the effort to contact her, she always comes back with the response 'yeah of course' and then it never happens as she bails at the last minute. It seems you read into this thinking the reasons that I have no friends is my fault. My question was, how do I make new friends and where would I meet them. You answered this well at the beginning but then go on to say how I'm basically going to have be friends with them eventually. I want to stop being let down, and find people that I can rely on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): Go to the nearest church or shelter; and volunteer a few hours of your free time.
You can go to the nearest hospital, and volunteer reading for the elderly. It may sound sort of corny. You could make some friends, and meet kind-hearted people. You'll be useful and feel great.
Look in the local papers for women's groups that mentor young women. They often have social groups or affiliate organizations that can help with a number of things related to women's needs.
At some point, you'll need to make amends with those friends you decided to evict from your life. Sit and have a talk over coffee or tea, and get things out in the open.
How about your sister?
Find out what it is they are discussing about your husband; and why he should be out of the picture.
I sense there is a reason you have been abandoned, and there is something about your husband. If these people are so unreliable as friends, what made you think they were friends in the first place?
If you are a drama queen and always in a tangle with people, they avoid you. You seem quite critical of how they aren't readily available. Then call and find out why. Don't just dismiss this behavior. However; if you're not working,
they may find it hard to be available on demand.
If you don't get out much to socialize; you limit access and human contact. If you concentrate all your time and effort on your marriage, life will pass you by. As you have now begun to see.
Everyone needs friends; married people too. So salvage the friendships you already have. Bury the hatchet. You need them.
When people don't come to you, go to them. That means placing yourself where you will be exposed to the public.
Just be sure it's safe, close to restroom facilities, and active with people; especially family-friendly.
Volunteer to read stories to kids in local pre-schools or kindergarten.
Some social programs offer prenatal education and classes
for pregnant women. You'll meet other pregnant women looking for the same thing. They are often free.
Chat and be friendly with the ladies when you go in for check-ups at the doctor's office. You'll be surprised how many feel lonely and are just looking for some company.
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