A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry if I make mistakes typing, its on my phone and Im useless!Me and my ex share custody of our two daughters who are 7 and 9. I was with him for 8 years and he met his partner and got married within 8 months of us splitting up. He cheated pn me to be with her and got married without telling me, my kids told me. So understandably im not a fan of this woman! I admit I text alot at the begining just calling him a scumbag for what he'd donr so I wasnt allowed a contact number I had to speak to his wife about anything to do with our children. Shes called me a bad mother simply because i work and have to wake the kids up early to go to a childminder. Ive been tired when I get in so sometimes miss after school things so she gives me a row via text. They want custody of my children because im struggling with money although its because of our shared debts so ive been left to pay the mortgage. We've been to court and I won custody as althpugh she thinks Im useless the judge clearly didnt. He was made to give me a contact number so I could directly speak to him rather than go through her and she hates it. But when I get texts from him I think hes just givrn the phone and she still contacts me. This woman is trying her best to erase me out of his life, she has this massive control ovet me. what on earth can i do! even court telling her to butt out doesnt make any difference
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 I would be sure to document EVERY text from him/her, take screen shots, save every message.
I would insist that all contact be by voice contact on the phone, no more texting whatsoever between you, so that you are certain you are speaking with him only. Instead of responding to a text, if you need to reply, dial the number and have a conversation.
Obviously at some point, cooler heads will have to come into play or your children will be the ones who suffer, as they watch continued acrimony and continued arguing. You have contributed to this for many years and it is time to stop.
Yes, your ex acted badly but that is now in the past and revisiting it does nothing to improve your children's lives. You will have to choose to be the wiser, calmer, cooler party, okay? Can you manage that?
Go to a Citizens Advice bureau http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk or possibly investigate Relate http://www.relate.org.uk/family-counselling/index.html to see if they can help you and your ex build some sort of stable, courteous communication in order to foster your children's well-being.
So, do not allow her/him to push your buttons. Document EVERY contact, either by saving text conversations, taking a picture of them, or writing them down in a diary kept for this purpose. Investigate family counseling to find new ways of dealing with the reality of your situation and to help your children.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): Hi thanks for advice, ive seen a lawyer and court made him give me his phone number. She still persists in contacting me on this phone. Even a court telling her to stop interfering wont stop her. we aplit up 2 and a half years ago. We were only together 5 months when I got pregnant, thry are both his children.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (9 July 2013):
 I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I can certainly sympathize with you and know that in time this will get easier.
The addition of a new parental figure in your kids' life is stressful, let alone for you. Sadly this is going to be a period of turmoil, as it sounds like your ex is going on the warpath. Regardless of the history of your ex and how they met, this woman is going to be a figure in your life -- at least for as long as they are married.
Here are my suggestions:
1) If they go on the legal warpath you will have to get a lawyer. This could be costly so please plan accordingly.
2) You'll never win arguing with them. As much as it pains you knowing she ruined your relationship, for the sake of your children and your sanity, I would suggest dealing with her as cordially as possible.
3) Establish with your ex that you both want what is best for the children and commit to working together so that neither feels cheated. You may have to compromise and accept some things that may be painful -- just make sure it is equitable.
4) Keep in mind that the courts won't take your children away from you unless you are completely unfit to be a parent. Don't let the fear and threats cause more hostility.
Good luck and be kind to yourself.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 July 2013):
 I would get or talk to a lawyer (look for anyone doing pro bono in your area) and see how you can go about letting your ex hubby know in NO uncertain terms that the contact between HIM and YOU is NONE of her business. I would seriously NOT tolerate that crap. Specially if she isn't doing this to make it easier on the kids, she does it to torment you.
Honestly though,I think it's more about controlling HIM then you.
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