A
female
age
41-50,
*amantha83
writes:Hi. I am having some issues with a male friend whom I really care for. He lives in my building and we met about four months ago. We've been out a number of times for drinks, meals, etc. He always insists upon paying to a point that makes me uncomfortable. Anyhoo, my issue is that I have a massive crush on this guy and nothing (ahem) has really happened with us. As far as I am concerned, it is rare for men to randomly become friends with women that they do not share a social network with. It just doesn't happen. We are both mature adults (early 30s) and I am baffled. The more I talk to this guy, the more I find to like about him. The lack of ANY physical connection makes me think this is doomed to be anything more than a friendship. Also, the longer this goes on as a platonic relationship, the more difficult it becomes to believe it will be anything more. I am beating myself up when thinking back to our first time going out. There was definitely an awkward moment (kiss vs no kiss) when we parted ways at the end of the night. I hope it isn't too late for this to be more than friendship. I have been pretty flirtatious with him, but to no avail. I am so frustrated that I am tempted to just tell him my feelings since my actions don't seem to be getting the message across. Any thoughts? Is this a lost cause?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, samantha83 +, writes (6 March 2009):
samantha83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice - I really appreciate another perspective regarding the situation. I'll be sure to let you know what happens with us!!
A
male
reader, vmadman +, writes (6 March 2009):
It doesn't seem clear, at least to me, if this is a lost cause or not.
I am the sort of person who ends up with awkward kisses rather than awkward "almost kisses", because I typically just go for it.
I can say, however, that guys are usually a lot easier to read than women.
You're exactly right about guys not making friends with girls. In three words, "We just don't". Guys are friends with their wife's girlfriends, and that's about all.
If he is friends with you then he definately feels a connection, but it's up to you to figure out what kind.
With me, personally, and I'm a pretty typical guy, if I like someone I am usually trying to have sex with them as quickly as possible. But I'm 24, and I have 6 years to settle into whatever he might be.
I know this probably wasnt much help, its getting extremely late. But, either way, good luck.
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