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female
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anonymous
writes: I feel that life passes me by. Sometimes I don't even feel part of the human race. I've lost my ability to enjoy life, to have fun, to be happy. I moved to a foreign country a year ago, to work in cancer research. It's a nice job and a great opportunity for me, I know. But loneliness kills me every day. I left my family and all my friends behind and I've made no new friends here. Maybe at 35 it's harder to make friends. I have very good friends back home, that I've known all my life and I know they love me. But they are all married with children. So all I do here is work and come home to read or watch TV. During weekends I don't even have anybody to say 'Goodmorning' to. And ofcourse I don't have a boyfriend. Infact I haven't had one in many years. Well, I haven't had a decent relationship in all of my life. I miss the human contact. It's been a year since I touched another human being. Sometimes I want to be introduced to someone at work so that we shake hands and I might feel the warmth of a human touch! I'm that pathetic! But imagine what it is like to long for a kiss, a hug or just a touch on your hand, for months... When I see couples holding hands in the street it kills me, makes me sad and sick. And don't tell me to go out more: I couldn't possibly go to a bar on my own. I've done it many times in the past and it's no fun, believe me. In fact I've been all over the world, done a million things all on my own. And guess what? It's not the same as sharing the moments with somebody else. A partner would be ideal, but a friend would be more than welcome. But no! I'm the one who's always traveling alone, on holidays alone, dining alone, having a drink alone... I give myself credit for having the nerve to walk alone, but it's killing me. And I can't stop thinking of ending it all once and for all...
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female
reader, pica +, writes (28 August 2006):
I feel for you, it's hard to be alone so much. I think that people who've never had to spend much time alone don't realise just how soul-destroying it can be. Right - you need to act to make your life better for you. I don't know much about your situation but am guessing you took an opportunity which hasn't worked out as you hoped. Would you have more chance of being with people if you moved back? It's not good to see something not work out but there's no shame in wanting - needing - to be with other people. If there are no opportunities where you are to create a social life then go where you can. Life's not all about work - we all need a balance. I know what you mean about being older, harder to make friends, but there are still activities, thing to do. You're obviously a smart independent woman - perhaps people feel intimidated by that? Crazy I know when you don't think of yourself as intimidating but people can be put off by other's success and confidence - seeing what they lack in themselves. Perhaps being so independent has somehow cut you off from others - I'm drawing from my own experience here. Being single can become being singular. It's hard to break out but always possible. Sorry, now I'm descending into cliche .. please, give yourself the TLC you need and start to enjoy life again. Good luck.
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (28 August 2006):
 Listen dear, please do not entertain the thought of wanting to end it all, my dear, I haven been there myself. Some days I woke up and would actually be annoyed that God had granted me yet another day when all I could see was that death was the answer. You need so start building up your confidence again, start meeting people and making friends and living again. At the moment you are merely survivingm but you need to stat living. I know what you are going through and if you want to talk to me further I am always here. Take care,and cherish your life, dont feel the desire to end it, never entertain that thought again. xXx
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