A
female
age
41-50,
*egemini
writes:I've been dating a guy for 5 years. I had to move out of our city to NYC for grad school. We've been apart for the last 2 but it seemed to be working out bc we would see each other about every 6 week. Recently I just started school and it's been the most intense and stressful experience of my life. I'm doubting everything about school and myself and am just really unhappy. I have to go through it though because I will never be able to find a good job. Since we became LDR, we've talked on the phone several times a day to reconnect. Since starting school our phone calls are usually me just freaking out or crying about school, how hard it is and how I made the wrong decision. This weekend my bf told me that he doesn't know if he can last for 1.5 more years. He said that it's getting draining for him to deal with me. He said it's getting harder for him to even come visit me financially and energy wise. He said he still loves me and that he will always be supportive of me and try to help me because he wants me to be happy. He also said that he doesn't feel like a boyfriend to me, and is unsure about a romantic life with me. He said that I can't deal with my problems in life and that It's just stressful for him because I'm always having to deal with something negative. He's a very good person and has always spoken the truth, no matter how difficult of a truth. He always tries to help me and be positive but he says that it never helps and he's a problem solver type of person. So it's just and endless cycle.I'm devastated. He knows I want a future with him and in the past he has told me that he wanted the same. Now he thinks that I'm the kind of person who will never go after what really makes me happy and that I will be negative and torture myself and stay in the same situations. This is the reason he's starting to not see me as a partner anymore. He says he can't see a future with me if the present is so bad and that he can't take it going on like this for the rest of my program. He says that he doesn't want to break up at this moment but this is how he feels right now. Our relationship has always been amazing. The way we treat each other with respect, love and affection. We've had the most wonderful connection and partnership and have both grown so much together. All the troubles are because of things I've had to deal with in my life regarding my lack of career happiness, income and an unsupportive family. His life has always been great and his family is very supportive. This is why it was shocking to hear him tell me these things. I thought that we could weather this storm. Now I'm unsure and have been crying since. Is it over? Is there anything I can do besides not call him to stress out on him every day? I also am going back to therapy this week. Please help, he means the world to me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, marymomnwife  +, writes (24 October 2010):
definantly keep up on therapy it is a good way to vent ur frustrations about what is going on in ur life. dont be so hard on him and urself if u do u r sure to push him away. negativity causes a stressful at home life. b4 u talk to him next time go 2 a gym and run lift weights or pick up kickboxing to release ur tention and frustrations that way they dont just come flying out at him. maybe also when u complain to him bout ur bad day he could b sitting there thinking 'it feels like shes angry with me but what the hell did i do to her?' also have u heard that country song i cant remember the name or singer of it but he says 'i love talkin bout you but occasionally i wanna talk about me'? he may b feeling like u think ur problems r more important than his. if u still want 2 b with him and are willing to work on what makes u upset let him know u r willing to work on things and to please give u a little time to find an outlet for ur frustrations. good luck
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