A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:25 years ago I married my high school sweetheart and I thought we'd share the rest of our life together. Then four years ago, her father passed away, and she lost her job within about a month of each other. She found another job but I could tell she wasn't happy. She started going out more with her friends, staying away from home, sometimes traveling out of town on the week-ends and then not long after that, she told me we had outgrown each other, and she needed some space to sort things out. I was devastated. We went to counseling, and all it really revealed is that she no longer felt attracted to me and hadn't for a number of years. She also said when she was working at a stressful job, she didn't want to uproot her homelife because she needed the stability, but after the job was gone, she realized out empty our relationship was. I believe she is just going through some kind of depression, but she says no, losing her Dad and her job just made her take stock of her life and that's when she knew she needed a change. I also discovered that she's harbored some bitterness over never having children. She wanted them-I didn't, but I never knew it would come to this. She says our life is not fulfilling anymore and that we've outgrown each other and she has nothing to look forward to and doesn't want to spend the next 20 years feeling empty. I do not want to let her go. I walk around our house in a daze, I read cards and notes she used to give me, and I cannot believe this is the same woman who has suddenly fallen out of love for me. I don't know what to do!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 As I see it, if she wanted kids, and you didn't, that should have been dealt with before you said your marriage vows. That's a pretty significant difference.
There has to be a common ground that perpetuates the relationship through time. You two have obviously lost the common ground. To rebuild takes time and effort on both parts. If one is not willing, then it's time to move onward . . . separately, if that's what it takes.
Best wishes.
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (5 January 2008):
I feel for you. I know when I lost my father, I had a life crisis too. I took stock of my life at that time and realized I wanted more than what I had. My own mortality came into plain view. It was a stressful time. I can understand what your wife is going through.
Having said that, I don't know how you can change how she's feeling.
I would suggest counseling for you both. See if there's any hope for reconciliation. If not, take stock of your own life. If there was something that you've always wanted to try or do but didn't, for one reason or another, now is the time to do it. Don't dwell in the past and don't give up hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (4 January 2008):
 It sounds like she thinks she will find fulfillment somewhere other than with you.
She could be grasping at straws if you have been doing all you can to keep her warm, so to speak.
She may soon wake up and realize that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side of the fence.
I have found an article you might like to read which should offer some help. Hang in there. Doc
http://www.watchtower.org/e/200607/article_01.htm
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