A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:(Admin: Did not mean to send last question unfinished,please do not post it, sorry)I am looking to reclaim my sexuality but I am struggling to follow through with my intentions and find the right person to do it with. I have not had sex for almost a year as I was struggling with huge confidence issues among other things, however since I have been working on myself, lost a lot of weight and done some soul searching for the best part of six months, I finally feel as if I am ready. The only problem is now finding the right person, and getting past the anxiety of actually meeting someone. I am not interested in a relationship and one night stands do not appeal to me, at the moment I would like a fwb, even though I have never had one. The first problem however is I suffer from really bad anxiety, and when it comes to meeting another person I just put it off until I eventually don't. This has prevented me from meeting a lot of people, but am I right in thinking the only way to really get over this is to bite the bullet and just do it? I did manage to break past this fear last month which was a massive reliefe, but the chemistry kinda fizzled out with the guy I met. Also where would be the best place to meet a potential fwb? Is this something I should actively look for or should I wait for it to come to me? I have had one guy who I done a few things with about two years ago. Hes been pursuing me now for two years but he hasnt been a pest about it and has respected me when I said no. He tbh is a perfect option as he only lives like 5 mins away but whenever I have wanted to meet the doubts and anxiety have kicked in so I haven't. Should I just ignore those feelings and go for it? Should I maybe try dating sites even tho the anxiety is worse there? I kinda want it to be with the right person as its been so long but whats everyones advice? Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 Online dating is not the route to go. Mixed with anxiety it won't work. Stick with the guy you meet. Pluck up the courage and ask him out for a drink and give yourself that extra push to get ready and go. Also remember everyone suffers from nerves even people who don't suffer from anxiety so sometimes you just need to rise above them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you N91. I am going to be having anxiety managment help within the next couple of months, I have been warned tho that most of the tasks involved are exposure tasks which basically means just doing it. So thought id get an early start and certain parts of my anxiety have already improved in areas of my life.
I do actually have somebody in mind and I am aware that things can get messy in fwb situations, but the person I have in mind is someone who relationship wise, is completely incompatable with me, we don't have much in common and he seems to only be interested in one thing. I think this is a bit of an advantage as I already know there is no way a relationship would happen. I am sure thats what I want as I spent most of my teen years in relationships with undesirable characters, so I am really enjoying my freedom.
If any feelings develope on either side I will be the first to cut it off and failing that there are always other options online, even tho I think that might be too much of a big leap with me as I would prefer it to be with someone I have met before. I will think about it, thank you.
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A
male
reader, N91 + ♥, writes (7 May 2017):
 I agree with anons advice that it would be a good idea to seek some kind of counselling first to help with your anxiety, that would probably be the best place to start.
Onto your actual question, like you said, you just have to jump in or you will never meet someone. Dating sites could work, tinder would also be an option or you could just meet someone in daily life, but you need to be upfront with them and tell them from the start what you want or else the lines become blurred and things get confusing.
Are you 100% sure you want a FWB? I have been there before and I know how messy they can get. The idea of sex with no commitment sounds great in theory but it very rarely stays that way without feelings getting involved.
Think long and hard whether this is truly want and if it is then go for it and just put yourself out there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat isnt very helpful. I am actively seeking anxiety help at the moment but I have already improved my anxiety on massive levels, you don't automatically need a shrink if you suffer from mental health problems. I stated I don't want a relationship and I was asking for tips on how to get over the nerves and what my options are regarding finding a fwb or whether I should go ahead with this current guy. I havent spoiled any relationships, I just havent started 1.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2017): You don't need a fwb right now, you need a counsellor who will help you with your anxiety. You admit to a kind of self destructive urge which means you either spoil a relationship or don't even start one. Get your head sorted and the relationships will come naturally afterwards.
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