A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Readers,I have a serious problem here that I feel I just can't cope with any longer.My daughter is at Boarding School at present. She won a Scholarship at an Agricultural College worth normally $18,300 per year. My daughter was not happy at the last school she went to and did not make one friend last year and she wanted me to apply for a Scholarship at this school where she would have her own school horse and be in the country which she said is all that she wanted to be happy.I am a single mum on a pension and have no support in Perth from my family due to the ongoing domestic violence and drug use with my daughters father, sister and my mother's codependence issues with my sister. There are parental alienatation issues here and denegration where I nearly lost my daughter two years ago due to myself trying to have a relationship with a man. This is not the first time my Mother and my daughters father have tried to sabotage any relationship I have trid to have and they have consequently always given my daughter an out and rubbished my choice of men and consequently sabotaged the relationship. My Mother has even phoned Child Protection in the past because she didn't like the guy I was seeing. I do not take drugs and I am a responsibe mother who is paying off a mortgage and half way though a Uni degree.My mother is now trying to sabotage my daughter being accepted into the boarding school and said that Miranda was homesick and that I should pull her out after term one. Since my daughter has gone to boarding school my mother and my sister have escalated their phone calls to me trying to what I would say suck me in to all of their dramas again. Everytime my mum or sister phone me in particular my mother all she does is talk negatively about my decisions, her supposed friends or my sister. I feel like I'm being used as a Counselling Line. I have told my mum that I think my daughter is in a much better place emotionally and socially and have heard that my daughter is making friends and doing well from the Residential Ladies.I get an email from my daughter tonight saying that she does't care about her friends or her school horse Woody and that she is not going to stay after Term One if she feels the same way. My daughter is 13 and has been Boarding since February 2nd.My counsellor tells me that I should treat my daughters response gently and say that I am sorry to hear that she is finding it hard but I am glad that she is giving it a go. She also thinks that I shouldn't cut ties with my toxic mother and sister and that I need to learn to deal with them. This time last year my sister wouldn't give me the time of the day and was totally abusive to me in every way, as was my mother in undermining my decisions.I don't know whether there are any Counsellors or Professionals who read these questions but when is enough enough. I don't want to pick up the phone when my mum or sister call me. All they do is try to hook me back into their ongoing dramas. I also feel that I need to say to my daughter that she is to stay at the school and make the most of it. I mean she hasn't liked the last two schools she has been at hence me applying for this Scholarship which I felt would also benefit her in getting away from all of the constant dramas with my family due to alcohol abuse, drugs and co-dependence issues which I have dealt with, worked through and am no longer in the cycle.Please any advise as to how I should handle this situation?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Personally I think at the end of the day she is your daughter therefore the decision is yours on what you feel is the best for her. I think that yes you should email her back and say that you are sorry to hear this but that if she wants to leave this private school then she will need to go back to her last school. At least this way she feels like she is making the desicion herself. As you said she never liked her last school therefore she may realise on her own that she would much prefer to stay at the school she is at the moment. She has had a lot of uproot in her life therefore let her have the decision and if she wants to come back and go to her last school then let her, but in the future do not give in to her if she wants to change again. Remind her that it was her decision and now she will have to live with it.
As for your mother and your sister. Yet again you need to deal with this the best way you think you can. If they are draining you then this is not healthy for you as a person. Anytime they call complaining about something you should ignore them. If they ask about your daughter tell them you are her mother and it is your choice. Also do not let them interfere in your personal life. Keep your personal life seperate from them. Maybe it would be best sitting down with them both and telling them exactly how they make you feel. Even if they dont listen to you it will make you feel better for talking about it. Explain to them that if they keep behaving the way that they are now with you that you will soon crack and stop all contact. Meaning that they will lose you.
Keep strong sweetie and just remember you are in control of your own life do not let anybody else control it.
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